The Skulls Are Thicker, Too

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(We have a TV in our hotel’s breakfast lounge. A guest is having trouble turning it on with the remote.)

Guest: “Can you turn on the TV please? I can’t find the right button.”

Me: “Of course!” *turns on the TV*

Guest: “Oh, I didn’t know you had to press that button. Our remotes are different in Sudbury, you see.”

Me: “Sudbury has different remotes?”

Guest: *completely serious* “Yes, they’re quite thicker!”

Not As Easy As A-B-C

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Musical Mayhem

Customer: “Excuse me, I have a question about this tin radio.”

Me: “Sure! What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Well, it says it plays the ABC song, but it doesn’t.”

Me: “Oh, you just have to turn this knob and it plays until it winds down.”

Customer: “Yeah, but it doesn’t play the ABC Song! It plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!

Me: “Well, they’re the same melody. See?” *sings the first line of both songs*

Customer: “No, listen!”

(She winds up the radio enough for it to play the whole song; there are a few embellishments towards the end.)

Customer: “See?! That’s not how the ABC song goes!”

Customer’s Husband: “Maybe they just play it differently.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not the way I sing it!”

Mammary Fallacy

| High Falls, NY, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “What desserts do you have?”

Me: *lists bunch of other desserts* “…and Turtle Cheesecake.”

Customer: “Is that made with turtle’s milk? Because I’ve heard of goat’s milk cheesecake.”

Me: “No, sir, it has caramel, chocolate, and nuts, like the candy ‘turtles’. Turtles don’t produce milk.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Weekend Roundup: Caught Red-Handed

, , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

Caught Red-Handed! There’s nothing quite as sheisty as customer trying to pull a fast one—and nothing quite as satisfying as catching one red-handed!

  1. Caught Red-Handed:
    A sneaky customer gets called out by another customer—who just happens to be an employee!
  2. Piercing Observation:
    Underaged customers FAIL, basic biology WIN.
  3. Caught Brown Handed:
    Proof that some trails of evidence are self-evident, salty and sticky!
  4. Tripped Up:
    If customers are gonna cry child abuse, they’d better “step” up their game!
  5. A Squeaky Clean Record:
    An employee takes it easy on a young (and very squeaky) scammer.

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Show But Don’t Tell

| North Canton, OH, USA | Rude & Risque

(A female customer, approximately 18 years old, is asking a coworker of mine about our bikinis.)

Customer: “Do you guys, like, carry any bikini bottoms in white?”

Me: “I don’t think we have any. Not a lot of stores stock white bikinis.” *chuckling* “After all, you can see right through white fabric when it gets wet!”

Customer: *completely serious* “Yeah, duh. That’s why I want them!”

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