Schrödinger’s Whipped Cream

| Scranton, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(This customer orders a hot drink, which is served in a regular paper cup. You can’t see the drink through it.)

Customer: “I asked for whipped cream on my drink.”

Me: “I know. I made sure there was whipped cream.”

Customer: “But, I can’t see it.”

Me: “Well, that’s because it’s inside the cup.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Trust Me, You’re (Not) A Doctor

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Health & Body

Me: “Hello, this is ***** Healthcare line. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling because my son just ate a bunch of ants.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Your son ate ants?”

Caller: “Yes! I was wondering if I need to take him to the hospital and see a doctor.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t think you need to worry. I don’t think the ants will make him sick, but I advise that he doesn’t eat any more of them.”

Caller: “Well, I gave him some ant killer to get rid of them.”

Caller’s friend: “Get him to the emergency room, now!”

NAR Android App: Free Version Now Available!

| Android | Xcluded

Introducing Not Always Right’s Official Android App: Free Version!

We’ve listened to your comments loud and clear, and we’re happy to announce that the official Not Always Right Official Android App is now available in a free, ad-supported version!

With the same important features as the paid version, this is a great alternative for those of you on a tight budget. PS — if you prefer an ad-free experience, get the paid version of the app here.

You Drive Me Crazy, Part 2

| Southern Utah, USA | Uncategorized

(I work on a resort where we rent golf carts out to our guests. I rent a cart out to a guest and her sons. She gets into the cart and I begin explaining how to use it.)

Me: “This is the gas pedal, here. If you push this knob all the way to the left, it will go into drive.”

Guest: “Okay. Like this?”

(She then proceeds to hit the gas pedal and drives up over the curb while screaming.)

Guest’s son: “I think we’ll walk.”

Related:
You Drive Me Crazy

You’re Just Spin-Cycling Your Wheels

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Extra Stupid

(I work at a gas station with a carwash. A customer comes in and pushes his way to the front of the line. He is holding a shirt that is dripping wet.)

Customer: “Your car wash sucks!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I just bought a car wash and it didn’t clean anything! There is still a giant stain on it.”

Me: “There is a giant stain on your car, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t drive a car! I drive a truck, and the stain is on my shirt, you idiot!”

(He holds up his shirt to show me a nice brown stain in the middle of his white shirt. I look at him confused for a few seconds until I look outside and see two men pulling clothes out from the back of a bright blue truck.)

Me: “Sir, did you try and wash your clothes in our car wash?”

Customer: “No, I am just standing here with a wet shirt for fun. I want a refund. It didn’t clean my shirt!”

Me: “Sorry, this isn’t a laundromat, sir. I’m sorry. There is nothing I can do.”

Customer: “I bought a luxury car wash and it didn’t clean s***! I want my f***ing money back!”

Me: “We only give refunds on vehicles that haven’t been cleaned, sir.”

(The customer yells a few choice words, threatens to call the head office, and leaves. To date, I have not heard from the head office.)

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