Adam And Leave

| GA, USA | Right | July 17, 2013

(I’m escorting a young couple around the store, and helping them register for their upcoming wedding. I hear my manager announce a Code Adam—a missing child security protocol in the United States—for a small boy over the P.A. system. I apologize to the couple, and start to walk to my assigned section when the man speaks up.)

Man: “Excuse me! We’re not done registering yet!”

Me: “I am so sorry, but as you heard, there is a Code Adam in place right now. I need to go help find the child. Hopefully we’ll find him quickly, and once we do, I’ll come back to you and help you finish your registry.”

Woman: “There are plenty of you working here; your coworkers can handle it. Besides, it is the fault of the parents for not paying attention to their little brats. Now, does this particular set come in stainless?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is a little kid missing right now. I cannot just assume that he’s okay. You can still take a look around and see if there is anything else you like while we’re searching. Like I said before, I will come back to you all once the child is found.”

Man: “Look b****, you obviously don’t get it. We’re ready to drop thousands of dollars with you guys for our wedding, as well as our new home. The least you can do is be more helpful and answer our questions. Otherwise, we’ll just go elsewhere.”

Me: “Sir, you are free to take your business anywhere you’d like.”

(I reach over and take the scan gun from the woman’s hand.)

Me: “And you’re right, I should be more helpful. I’m going to go help the parents of the missing kid, who are probably in hysterics right now.”

(I turn around and rush to my assigned area to begin searching for the missing boy. Luckily, I quickly find him building a pillow fort in our back stock room. The parents thanked me profusely, and I even received recognition from corporate!)

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Modern Scammers Work Double Time

, | WI, USA | Right | July 16, 2013

(I’m a crew member at a fast food joint, while my uncle is the general manager at a sit down restaurant across the street. I’m working drive thru.)

Customer: “Hi, I just came through a few minutes ago, and my burger was all wrong, plus my fries were cold.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Just come up to the window, and we’ll get it all fixed up.”

(She pulls up, and I don’t recognize her at all. I don’t see a bag from us in her car either.)

Customer: “I also didn’t get my soda either.”

(Now I know she’s lying, because I’ve been in drive thru all day, and I never poured an extra soda. My manager just says screw it and give her what she wants. After I got off, I went up to my uncle’s restaurant to sit and chat. I tell him about the woman.)

Me: “I would have noticed someone wearing fleece pants in this heat!”

Uncle: “Uh… I’m pretty sure she came here.

Me: “WHAT!”

Uncle: “This lady came in. She was wearing fleece pants and a college sweatshirt. I see her looking at a menu. I speak up, and she says her salad was wrong and her wings were cold. I don’t recognize her from before. I ask for a receipt, and she doesn’t have one. I ask what kind of salad and what kind of wings. She looks at the menu for a few more minutes. I just wanted to get her out because we had big orders in the kitchen. So she got about $25 out of me.”

Me: “You did better than me! She got $7 from us! Did you forget her soda?”

Uncle: “YES! Yes, we did!”

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Very Shy To TMI

| USA | Right | July 16, 2013

(I am a cripplingly shy teenage girl, in line at a dollar store. The elderly customer behind me has noticed my shirt, which says ‘Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate:’, and is otherwise blank.)

Customer: “Hey, I like your shirt! You know, I wanted to procrastinate, but I kept putting it off.”

Me: *laughs nervously*

(The man starts putting his items on the conveyor belt.)

Customer: “We’re gonna have fuuuuun tonight.”

(I glance back and notice that he’s buying 10 bottles of baby oil, and nothing else. I turn bright red and turn away.)

Customer: *laughing* “Aw, I think I scared her.”

(An elderly woman has just come up behind the elderly customer.)

Woman: “What’s that?”

(The customer explains what’s just happened to the woman—his wife.))

Woman: “Oh! Haha!” *she walks up to me* “You see, things tend to dry out when you get older!”

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The Cake Is A Lie, Part 4

| WI, USA | Right | July 16, 2013

(My grocery store bakery has started a new display in our chilled sweets case, showcasing a whole cake on a pedestal with a slice of it on a plate, along with it’s price on a tag that is clearly labeled ‘Display Only’. These cakes, since they are clearly not sold, are not changed out very often. I notice that one of the plates is behind the display cake, which I find odd. My manager also notices and laughs.)

Manager: “Did you notice this?”

(My manager holds up the slice that had been placed in back of the display.)

Me: “Oh yeah, I noticed it was in an odd spot. What’s up with it?”

(My manager brings the plate over to show me. The piece of cake has a bite taken out of it, and the fork displayed along with it is dirty.)

Manager: “A customer must have tried to eat it!”

Me: “Wow, those cakes have been in there for ever!”

(To prove a point, my manager takes the fork, and pokes at the cake. It is quite literally rock solid; it even sounds rock solid.)

Manager: “They didn’t get very far! They must have taken that one little bite and realized it was inedible.”

Me: “How the heck did they get to it?”

Manager: “Well, the front window does swing open with some effort for cleaning but…”

Me: *laughs again* “I know it says ‘display’, but come on. Display does not mean ‘sample’!”

(We can only guess that a customer tried it after the bakery closed for the day!)

Related:
The Cake Is A Lie, Part 3
The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

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Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Right | July 16, 2013

(I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

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