Hellish Customers

| ON, Canada | Right | November 4, 2013

(While doing theater checks, I am informed that we have some skateboarders using our building’s parking lot and curbs as their own personal skate-park. I am sent to ask them to leave.)

Me: “Hey guys, you can’t skateboard here.”

Skateboarder #1: “Well, where can we go then?”

Me: “I know of a skate-park 20 minutes walk from here at [local park].”

Skateboarder #2: “Can we do a few more tricks here before we go?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

(The three skateboarders turn to leave when the third, who has remained quiet the whole time, turns to me.)

Skateboarder #3: “I WORSHIP LUFFASIR SIX SIX SIX! What do you say to that!?”

Me: “Luffasir? It’s Lucifer, and I don’t need any more morons worshiping me. Now get the h*** out of here.”

(Skateboarder #3 turns red and quickly walks away followed by his buddies, who could not stop laughing.)

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Receipted All That Was Coming To Her

| CA, USA | Right | November 4, 2013

(I work at a large retail store. A customer is just about to approach my register, when my counter phone rings. It is security.)

Security: “For this customer, just allow the return, then step away from my counter.”

(That is all they tell me. The customer then approaches.)

Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

(The customer hands me an expensive bedding set.)

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this, please.”

(I look at the receipt, and notice it was paid by cash.)

Me: “Okay, one moment, ma’am.”

(I process the return, give her the cash, and step away from my register as if to tidy shelves nearby. The customer walks away, and two minutes later my coworker from another department runs over and grabs me by the arm.)

Coworker: “What in the world just happened? Are you all right!?”

Me: “I’m fine. What’s going on?”

Coworker: “Security and the police just tackled your customer into the lingerie displays!”

(It turns out the customer was a scammer that would come in with just a receipt, pick up the item from the shelf that matched the receipt while a worker was busy, and then return the ‘bought’ item for cash. The customer had done this to 12 other stores before us. She was tackled when trying to run, after being confronted by the police.)

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A Half-Baked Notion

| London, England, UK | Right | November 4, 2013

(I am an 18-year-old male. I work at a local bakery around the corner from my house on the weekends. I’m busy dealing with a customer, who happens to be my sister, who is older by five years. Since it’s quiet at the moment, I’m just having a quick chat with her whilst my coworker deals with the only other customer in the store.)

Me: “Well, anyway, I should get back to clearing the shelves. I will see you at home later?”

Sister: “Yeah, sure!”

(The other customer has apparently been eavesdropping, and walks up to my sister.)

Customer: “Don’t you think you should wait until you’re older before you start dating men?”

(The customer then turns to me.)

Customer: “AND YOU! You should be ashamed of yourself! This girl can’t be more than 16, and you’re taking advantage of her!”

(To be fair my sister is short and very slim. I’m 6′ 2″ and quite bulky, so she is often mistaken for being younger than me.)

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but you seem to have misunderstood. This is my sister, and she’s actually older than me.”

Customer: “Don’t you try to justify yourself to me, you monster; you’re taking advantage of this poor girl.”

(The customer then tries to take my sister by the hand and lead her out of the store.)

Customer: “Come with me, dear; I won’t let that man hurt you.”

Sister: “No, that really is my brother! You don’t understand.”

Customer: “No, dear, don’t believe his lies. Let’s get you away from here and call the police.”

(He drags my sister out onto the street. I rush after them, because as far as I’m concerned, this man is in the act of kidnapping my sister.)

Me: “Hey, stop! GET OFF MY SISTER!”

(The man turns around to face me, at which point several other store owners have come out to see what’s going on. I decide to make a last ditch attempt to reason with this man before I try and force him to let go of my sister.)

Me: “Look, I’ve got my ID on me and so does my sister! If we show them to you, will you accept that what were telling you is the truth?”

Customer: “Fine, but I warn you: I know fakes when I see them!”

(My sister and I both show our IDs, which bear the exact same surname and our dates of birth. I see that it all finally clicks into place in the customer’s brain.)

Customer: “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so?”

(The customer saunters off down the street, merry as you like. Once were sure he’s gone, my sister walks round the corner back home. It’s only then we realize that in all the drama, the customer never actually paid for the bread and cakes he had bought. We all now wonder if he just forgot like we did, or if we were a victim of the most impressive scam to steal bread and cake in history!)

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Hoping They Were Born Yesterday

| Houston, TX, USA | Right | November 4, 2013

(I work at a bakery franchise that specializes in bundt cakes. On loyalty customers’ birthdays, they have the opportunity to come into the store and get a free mini cake. The following exchange happens the week before Halloween over the phone.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Franchise Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I was just calling about the birthday bundtlet? I didn’t get one.”

Me: “Oh, geez, sorry about that. When did you come in?”

Caller: “I didn’t. I never got the email with the coupon on it.”

Me: “Okay. When did you sign up for the loyalty program?”

Caller: “Um, it was for my cousin’s birthday, so it was a while ago, and…”

(The customer proceeds to ramble on for a minute or so, making me suspicious that she signed up after her birthday.)

Me: “Okay, miss. If you come in with your ID, to prove that your birthday was within a week of today, I’ll check to make sure you’re on the loyalty program and get you that cake.”

Caller: “Oh, my birthday was in August. But my husband’s birthday is in a week, so I’ll just get a bundtlet for then.”

Me: “No, that won’t work. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “God, I f****** hate this store. You never work with your customers!”

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Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6

| Carlisle, England, UK | Right | November 4, 2013

(I am 21 years old, and a huge ‘Pokémon’ fan. I notice that my receipt for the new Pokémon game is wrong, so I go in to check what happened. At the counter next to me is a middle aged woman buying ‘Grand Theft Auto 5’ for her young son, who is no older than nine. The game is intended for 18-year-olds minimum.)

Me: “Excuse me; the deposit for the new Pokémon is £5, but I’ve been charged twice for it.”

Employee: “Oh, sorry, let me have a look.”

(I hand him the receipt, while the woman stares at me.)

Woman: “You’re a little old to be playing Pokémon aren’t you?”

Me: “And your son’s a little young to be playing Grand Theft Auto isn’t he?”

(The employees can’t help but laugh. The woman goes red faced.)

Woman: “That’s completely different.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m getting a game intended for kids and your kid is getting a game intended for adults.”

Woman: “Well he knows full well not to repeat anything they do in those games; he is a smart boy. Who do you think you are to judge me anyway?”

Me: “Lady… as far as I’m concerned, if my game purchases are your business then your game purchases are my business.”

Woman: “Well I just hope my boy is smart enough to know when it is time to grow up.”

Boy: “Yeah, f*** you!”

(The employees and I burst out laughing as the mother throws the game onto the counter and drags her son out of the shop with him screaming at her that he wants his ‘f****** game.’)

 

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