Cordless & Clueless

| Yorkshire, UK | Technology

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a cordless phone.”

Me: “No problem, they’re just over here.”

Customer: ‘I’m wanting one without batteries and that you plug into the mains, do you have any?”

Me: “That would defeat the point of a cordless phone wouldn’t it?”

Customer: “No, I had one last time!”

Me: “Was it like this?”

(I show her the corded phones.)

Customer: “Yes! See, a cordless phone you plug in!”

Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 8
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 7
Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 6

Narcoleptic Nancy’s Inconvenient Nap

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

(There are a dozen people in line waiting for three fitting rooms.)

Customer: “Someone’s been inside room #1 for a long time.”

(I walk over and the other customers confirm. I’m told no one has come out of that particular room for 15 minutes. The door is indeed locked. I knock and there’s no response. I knock harder and still no response.)

Me: “That’s weird. The door is locked, not stuck. It can only be locked from the inside or with a key. Did you see who went in there?”

Customer: “Yes, some lady.”

(I bang on the door this time. Again, no response. I go to get the key and open the door. Inside is a fully dressed lady sitting on the bench sleeping. Store clothes are strewn on the floor. I have to shake her to wake her up.)

Lady: *slurred* “What?”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re sleeping in our fitting room and there’s a line of people waiting. You weren’t responding when we knocked, so I had to come in to check on you.”

Lady: “Oh! My goodness, I’m so sorry! I’m really tired, and on top of that, I’m a very sound sleeper!”

Limited Only By Your Intelligence

| Iowa City, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

Customer: “Is there a limit to the cash I can get back?”

Me: “Yes, the limit is 50 dollars.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. It says I can put in a number rather than one of the options?”

Me: “Yes, that’s true.”

(The machine pops up an alarm saying that the cash back limit has been passed.)

Customer: “I asked for 60 back. Did that confuse it?”

Me: “Yes, the limit is 50 dollars.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought that by putting in my own number, I could bypass the limit.”

Me: “No, ma’am, the limit is always 50 dollars.”

Customer: *re-swipes card* “I see. The limit is 40 dollars.”

Me: “No, ma’am. The limit is 50 dollars.”

Customer: “But the options given only go up to 40.”

Me: “Yes, but you can put up to 50 dollars in the custom number option.”

Customer: “No, that doesn’t work.”

Me: “Yes, it does but you have to put less than 50. 50 is the limit.”

Customer: “I don’t think you know what you’re talking about and I–”

(The transaction finishes processing.)

Me: “Here’s your 40 dollars. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

As Thick As Pea Soup

| Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was calling because I am having some troubles.”

Me: “And what troubles are you having?”

Customer: “I don’t know how much water goes into my soup.”

(I’m about to tell her she can’t call us for stuff like this, until I realize it would be so much easier to just help her.)

Me: “Ma’am, are there directions anywhere on the side?”

Customer: “Oh, right.” *hangs up*

A Genuine Cents Of Change

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Top

(At this coffee shop, do not accept $100 bills because all $20 are automatically dropped into a safe and we cannot make adequate change. It’s a particularly busy day with a rather long line, and a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I want a medium americano.” *hands me $100 bill*

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have enough change to accept that bill. Do you happen to have anything smaller?”

Customer: “No, this is all I have. I don’t have anything smaller.”

Me: “Well then, today is your lucky day. Your drink is on me today!”

(Note: I am trying to get the line moving and we’re allowed to give an arbitrary number of free drinks away a day if we think it’ll make the customer happy.)

Customer: “No, just take the money, please. I don’t want the free drink. Just get the change from the safe.”

Me: “I can’t do that, but your free drink will be up on the counter quickly.”

Customer: “I don’t want the free drink!” *storms out without drink*

(My manager, who had been eavesdropping on the entire exchange, approaches me after the customer leaves.)

Manager: “Well, that bill was obviously counterfeit. Good for you for not accepting it!”

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