Don’t Even Bother With New England

| New Mexico, USA | Tourists/Travel

(I manage a tourist center that welcomes people coming into New Mexico. An obviously American tourist comes into the center.)

Tourist: *in broken Spanish* “Excuse me! I think you all forgot something.”

Me: *in English* “Yes, how can I help you?”

Tourist: *more broken Spanish* “Nobody was checking for
passports when we crossed the border here.”

Me: “Passports?”

Tourist: “We are in Mexico now, after all.”

Me: “This is New Mexico, sir. You don’t need a passport to–”

Tourist: “What’s to stop illegal immigrants from coming into the United States if they don’t check our passports coming into New Mexico?”

Me: “Sir, New Mexico is part of the United States.”

Tourist: “Now you’re just lying to me.”

It Doesn’t Go Up The Way You Think It Does

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at an amusement park in Southern California. A customer comes up to me while I am cleaning a shop.)

Customer: “Where can I find a [cartoon character] blow-up doll?”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “Blow-up doll. I need a [cartoon character] blow-up doll!”

Me: “I um, we don’t sell those kinds of items–”

Customer: “You know, you put air in and it goes up!”

Me: “A balloon?”

Customer: “A blow-up doll, yes! Where?!”

Water You, Stupid, Part 4

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “What’s in your liquid drinks?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, all of our drinks are made of liquid. That’s what makes them drinkable.”

Customer: “Oh, you know what I mean!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I do not.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll find someone that does!” *leaves*

Related:
Water You, Stupid, Part 3
Water You, Stupid, Part 2
Water You, Stupid

An Immoral Pleasure Seeker

| UK | Family & Kids

(I work in a toy shop where we sell giant Bratz dolls. A customer comes over with one and asked whether or not it would be suitable for her two year old daughter.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I wouldn’t recommend this doll for any child under the age of 6.”

Customer: “Why is this doll recommended for 6 years and over? My daughter’s two but she really wants one.”

Me: “Well, I can’t really recommend that you buy the doll for a younger child, but I suppose if you remove the earrings then there wouldn’t be any small parts.”

Customer: *looks the doll over* “Is it just because she’s dressed like a hooker?”

Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

| Orange County, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

Customer: *laughs*

Customer’s partner: *completely mortified*

Customer, to his partner: “No, no, he said HOBO!”

Page 1,917/2,995First...1,9151,9161,9171,9181,919...Last