Taking The Ham-Fisted Approach

| NY, USA | Food & Drink

(Seeing the line for the deli stretch halfway through the produce section, I stand in line while my fiancé goes for the rest of the stuff. Every single person in line ahead of me goes through the same process.)

Customer: “Let me get some ham.”

Deli Worker: “What kind of ham?”

Customer: “Um… [brand].”

Deli Worker: “Okay… What kind? Honey glazed, regular, salt free?”

Customer: “Oh… uh… [type].”

Deli Worker: “How much?”

Customer: “Um…”

(This continues on, not just for each customer, but even when one customer has multiple items! I finally step up to the counter just as my fiancé arrives.)

Me: “Let me get 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium roast reef, 1/4 pound [brand] low-sodium turkey, and 1/2 pound [store brand] American yellow, please.”

Deli Worker: “Ooh honey, you’re my favorite customer of the day!”

Fiancé: “What was that about?”

Me: “Apparently, I’m the only person here that thinks ahead!”

Customer After Me: “Let me get some… salami.”

Deli Worker: “Here we go again!”

The Number One Problem With Laptops

| MA, USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A customer drops off a laptop for repair. I set up the unit and test for common software and settings issues with no results. I turn the computer over, remove the bottom panel and immediately notice liquid and dried residue around the battery and main-board. A few seconds later a very strong smell of urine hits in waves and fills the tech. I call the customer to inform her of the findings.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. I’ve taken a look at your computer, and we have found liquid inside the computer.”

Customer: “Yes, I know.”

Me: “Umm… the liquid appears to be biological in origin. Urine.”

Customer: “Yes, I know.”

Me: “…unfortunately, we are prohibited from working on computers that have a biological hazard in them. So I will have your computer available for pickup this afternoon.”

Customer: “So, when will it be fixed?”

Me: “I do apologize for the inconvenience, but we are unable to work on computers with this type of issue due to health regulations.”

Customer: “This is why I didn’t tell you guys that it got p***** on! F*** you! I’m going to talk to your manager and get you fired!”

(Two days later, my manager informed me that the customer had yelled at him when she picked up the computer. She then called home office to try to get us in trouble for discriminating against her when he wouldn’t order me to fix the computer.)

When The Pill Popper Pops

| FL, USA | Health & Body

(My father is a physician. I am waiting to take him to lunch when a patient comes stomping out of his exam room with him.)

Patient: “All I’m saying is, I need a prescription for Vicodin!”

My Father: “Ma’am, I’m not writing you a prescription for that. Your condition is in no way severe enough for narcotic pain medication. I can prescribe you some Ibuprofen if you’d like something to help with inflammation.”

Patient: “F*** you! I said I needed Vicodin! My wrist really hurts, and other doctors have given it to me without all this s***!”

My Father: “I’m sorry your wrist hurts, but nothing shows up to suggest there is anything serious going on. If those other doctors will write you the prescription, you’re welcome to go to them for a second opinion.”

(It has become obvious that she is not getting what she wants, so she settles instead for cursing and yelling at my father as much as she can on her way out. She verbally abuses the nurse at the front desk, and then turns to deliver the best parting shot she can come up with.)

Patient: “You’re pathetic! Get a real f****** job!”