Magic-Touch-Phone

| Australia | Health & Body, Religion, Technology

Customer: “I want to return this phone; it won’t turn on.”

(I turn on the phone, and it works perfectly.)

Me: “Hmm, seems to be turning on just fine.”

Customer: “I’ve been doing that all yesterday, and it didn’t work! You must have magic hands or something.”

Me: “That’s the only explanation I can think of. I should use my powers for good and go out and use my magic touch to heal things like leprosy.”

Lady: *in all seriousness* “Oh no, I don’t have that.”

Drinking Responsibly

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Underaged

(While perusing the selection of beer at my local grocery store, I cannot help but notice the enormous, brightly-colored signs posted on every available surface which proclaim: “WE CARD EVERYONE”. After choosing what I want, I head for the checkout, being sure to get my ID out along with my credit card.)

Me: “Just this, thanks.”

(The employee looks at me nervously. I’m 29, but look a good bit younger.)

Employee: “Now because this is alcoholic, ma’am, I am going to need to see your ID.”

Me: “Of course, got it right here.”

(The employee blinks in surprise, then smiles enormously and happily rings up my six-pack of hard cider.)

Me: “Do people really give you that hard a time about this? You have huge red and yellow signs EVERYWHERE. Not to mention it’s kind of, you know, the law?”

Employee: “Honey, you have no idea. Thank you for being smart. Here’s your receipt, and I hope you really enjoy that!”

Needs To Stop And Take A Minute

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

(I work at a fast food chain, where most of the food just needs to be assembled on order. However, some items are rarely ordered, so we don’t prepare them since we’d have to throw them out if nobody purchases it within a certain time. It normally takes five to seven minutes to cook these items.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a [food item], please.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [total].”

Customer: *hands money* “Thank you.”

Me: “No, problem, here’s your change. Just wait over there until your order is ready.”

(The manager comes over as I’m making drinks for the customer.)

Manager: “Did you inform the customer that there will be a five minute wait on [food item]?”

Me: “I wasn’t aware there was, but I’ll let him know.”

Manager: “It’s fine. I’ll talk to him; you’re busy.” *to customer* “Excuse me, sir, did you order [food item]?”

Customer: *irritated* “Yeah, what’s the problem?”

Manager: “We have to make that item fresh, so it’ll be about five minutes. Is that alright?”

Customer: “No, it’s not f****** alright! You should have told me earlier. Now I don’t f****** want it!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. I told you as soon as I found out. If you like, I can offer you a refund, or you can have something else.”

Customer: “F****** h***. Can’t you do anything right?! I’m not going to f****** wait for my d*** food.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir; it’s not my fault. I’ve given you the option of getting a refund if you’d like one.”

Cook: *yells to manager* “The [food item] is ready!”

Manager: “I’m really sorry about the wait, sir, but your food is ready! Would you like it?”

Customer: “No, just give me my f****** money back.”

Manager: “It’s ready though. Wouldn’t you rather—”

Customer: “I want my f****** money! This has been terrible service with your f****** smug tone and inconsiderate attitude. You think you’re better then me and can just f****** act that way!”

Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way; have a nice day.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, f*** you.” *stomps out with his money*

Manager: *to me* “I’m going for a smoke.”