How To Rock The Boat

| Escanaba, MI, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

(I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room over looking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after 5 minutes.)

Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”

Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”

Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”

Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”

Customer: “The lake side? Well how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”

These Are Not The Coins You Are Looking For

| Salem, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his 20-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)

Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”

Customer’s son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”

Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”

(We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)

No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Technology, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(I am talking to a woman on the phone who needs to call back the next day. She is in Texas).

Caller: “What time is it there?”

Me: “Three thirty.”

Caller: “In the morning?”

Me: “No, in the afternoon.”

Caller: “Oh. Of what day?”

Me: “Saturday. We’re only three hours different from you.”

Caller: “Really?” *pause* “Is it snowing?”

Me: “No ma’am, its August. Its nice and sunny out.”

Caller: “Oh wow!”

Related:
Yukon Freeze It
No Vocation For Location
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

One More Of These And I’ll Squit

| Alberta, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken salad.”

Me: “Alright.”

Customer: “Is there MSG in it?”

Me: “There might be some in the dressing, I can check for you. Are you allergic?

Customer: “No, it just gives me diarrhea.”

Me: “Uh…ok?”

Customer’s friend: “That’s too much information!”

Customer: “No she needs to know. You need to know right?”

*pause*

Me: *nervous laughter* “Oh, absolutely.”

Algae Get Another One

| United Kingdom | United Kingdom | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A middle aged couple come into the tropical fish section and ask me about their algae-eating fish.)

Customer: "Hello, we bought some algae eaters a while back, and they died after about 2 weeks. We bought some more and they did exactly the same after 2 weeks and we were just wondering what could have been wrong with them?"

Me: "What have you been feeding them?"

Customer: "Nothing, we thought they ate the algae."

Me: "They do, if there’s enough to go around."

Customer: “Oh dear. Well they did keep the glass awfully clear."