(I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room over looking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after 5 minutes.)
Customer: “This is unacceptable!”
Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”
Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”
Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”
Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”
Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”
Customer: “The lake side? Well how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”
(I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his 20-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)
Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”
Customer’s son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”
Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”
(We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)
(I am talking to a woman on the phone who needs to call back the next day. She is in Texas).
Caller: “What time is it there?”
Me: “Three thirty.”
Caller: “In the morning?”
Me: “No, in the afternoon.”
Caller: “Oh. Of what day?”
Me: “Saturday. We’re only three hours different from you.”
Caller: “Really?” *pause* “Is it snowing?”
Me: “No ma’am, its August. Its nice and sunny out.”
Caller: “Oh wow!”
Yukon Freeze It
No Vocation For Location
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude
Customer: “I’ll have the chicken salad.”
Customer: “Is there MSG in it?”
Me: “There might be some in the dressing, I can check for you. Are you allergic?
Customer: “No, it just gives me diarrhea.”
Customer’s friend: “That’s too much information!”
Customer: “No she needs to know. You need to know right?”
Me: *nervous laughter* “Oh, absolutely.”
(A middle aged couple come into the tropical fish section and ask me about their algae-eating fish.)
Customer: "Hello, we bought some algae eaters a while back, and they died after about 2 weeks. We bought some more and they did exactly the same after 2 weeks and we were just wondering what could have been wrong with them?"
Me: "What have you been feeding them?"
Customer: "Nothing, we thought they ate the algae."
Me: "They do, if there’s enough to go around."
Customer: “Oh dear. Well they did keep the glass awfully clear."