Two Halves Make A Hole In Your Brain

| Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling the pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like you to check how much my prescriptions are. My name is [name].”

Me: “You have two prescriptions waiting for you. Each one is $2.50.”

Customer: “So, how much does each one cost?”

Me: “$2.50 each.”

Customer: “So, one is $2.50. How much is the other one?”

Me: “Each of your two prescriptions is $2.50.”

Customer: “So, if I give you $5, how much will my change be?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Customer: *hangs up*

User Has Exceeded Maximum Cognitive Power

| Australia | Extra Stupid

(We have two separate check-out counters on opposite ends of our store. One counter has a self-serve photocopier next to it. I am working on the side with the copier when a middle-aged woman approaches me.)

Customer: *blank expression* “I need some photocopies.”

Me: “Sure. The copier is just around the side there.”

Customer: “But I don’t know how to use it.”

Me: “All right, no problem. I’ll teach you.”

(I lead her around to the photocopier. Before I can instruct her, she interrupts me, looking bewildered.)

Customer: “Oh, no…it’s too complicated for me. I can’t do it. You’ll have to do it for me. I just don’t know how to work these things!”

Me: “Well, you put what you want to copy face down in the top left corner.”

(The customer puts it in the middle.)

Me: “No, the top left.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Left.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(I move the original to the correct spot and press copy.)

Me: “Okay, so, was it just one copy? That’ll be 20 cents.”

(The customer stares at her hand. She is holding a 10 cent piece and a 20 cent piece. She looks at each of them for about ten seconds.)

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “20 cents.”

(The customer turns to stare at the coins in her hand some more. Finally, she decides to pay with the 20 cent coin and leaves. About half an hour later, I am working on the opposite counter by myself when she finds me again.)

Customer: “I need some more photocopies.”

Me: “Sure. Well, the copier is just over the other side.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Over there. Where it was before.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Just next to the other counter. Someone over there will be able to help.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I can’t help you from here as I have to stay on this counter. You’ll have to go over the other side where the copier is if you want photocopies.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(At this point I am certain her brain has actually come to a complete stand-still and she has ceased to function entirely. I call someone to temporarily watch my counter while I take her to finish her copies.)

Not Always Right: Windows Phone 7 App

| Windows Phone 7 | Xcluded

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Stop And Stair, Part 2

| Kennebunkport, ME, USA | Extra Stupid

Customer: “Where are your stairs to get back to the street?”

Me: “Right behind me, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, I said the stairs to go DOWN!”

Me: “We only have this set of stairs and our fire exit. These are the stairs that lead down to the street.”

Customer: “But I came up these. I can’t go down them. Stairs only go one way!”

Me: “Let me show you to the elevator…”

Related:
Stop And Stair

No Bar And No Bite, Part 2

| Manchester, UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(It’s our company policy to not give refunds. It’s stated at all the till points, on receipts, and if a customer asks, we tell them the exact policy. It’s fairly known and it’s also been in effect for years. I’m also studying to be a barrister while working at this store part-time.)

Customer: “I’d like to get my money back on this.”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s our policy not to give refunds.”

Customer: “That’s illegal.”

Me: “It’s actually well within the law.”

Customer: “It’s not. I’m a barrister…I should know!”

Me: “Really? What firm are you with? I’m actually after getting a bit of work experience in law.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve not technically passed the bar yet.”

Me: “So you’re not a barrister then?”

Customer: *goes red* “Just give me a gift card then.”

Related:
No Bar And No Bite

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