Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

| MO, USA | Right | November 13, 2013

(A popular bookstore chain is going out of business, and all of their stores are having ‘going-out-of-business’ sales. One such store is located in the same plaza as the home improvement store where I work.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Home Improvement Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, you guys are located in the same plaza as [Bookstore] right?”

Me: Yes, ma’am, we are located a few stores down from [Bookstore]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Are they open?”

Me: “That particular branch of [Bookstore] hasn’t closed their doors yet, but given the fact that they’re going out of business, I’m not sure how much longer they’ll stay open.”

Customer: “Well, I just tried calling them and no one is answering the phone.”

Me: “I do know that they are still open. However it’s possible that whatever few employees are actually still working there are currently assisting other customers at the moment, so I would try giving them a call again a little bit later. In the meantime, is there anything we here at [Home Improvement Store] can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, could you go down to [Bookstore] and see if they have any copies of [various book titles] left?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no one here is going to be able to leave the store in order to check that for you.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?”

Me: “Because we’re all employees of [Home Improvement Store], not [Bookstore]. We’re all needed here.”

Customer: “You retail people are supposed to go above and beyond for your customers!”

Me: “We do a lot for our customers, ma’am. You, however, have expressed no interest in being our customer, but rather that of [Bookstore].”

Customer: “Well, you’re no f****** help!”

(I ended up transferring her call to my manager, who laughed at her request to send one of his employees to check the inventory of a different store.)

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Laptop Flop, Part 4

| TX, USA | Right | November 13, 2013

(I work at a computer repair center downtown. There is a crosswalk leading from our door across the street, with two parking spaces adjacent to it.)

Me: “If there are any other problems, please feel free to call or drop by; we are more than happy to help.”

(The customer takes his newly refurbished laptop and a brand new case from me.)

Customer: “Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. Do you guys happen to work on smart phones?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Just bring the phone in anytime, and we will take a look at it.”

Customer: “It’s in my car, actually. I’ll be right back.”

(The customer walks out the door to their car, and momentarily sets the laptop in its case down in the crosswalk while he looks for his keys. I have spent several long and frustrating hours working on the laptop, but because the customer is so kind and polite I don’t really mind. Unfortunately, a driver in a black pickup suddenly drives into the crosswalk and parks his truck on top of the laptop, damaging it.)

Me: “Well, f***.”

(The customer and the driver argue for a moment, before the driver comes in with the customer on his heels.)

Customer: “Look at what he did!”

(I quickly examine his laptop, and make an estimate on how much it will cost to repair it. Thankfully the damage isn’t too terrible.)

Driver: “Hey! I was here first! Quit helping him and help me! I need to pick up my [smart phone]!”

Customer #1: *to the driver* “And what exactly do you plan on doing about my laptop!”

Driver: “Nothing! It’s your own d*** fault for leaving it in a parking spot.”

Customer: “It cost me $275 to have it refurbished!”

Driver: “Sorry for you! Maybe you wont be such a moron next time and put it in your car instead of leaving it in a parking space!”

Me: *to the driver* “That will be a total of $291.57.”

Driver: “What! Why the h*** does it cost that much? This is outrageous! You’re just trying to rip me off! Give me my phone back NOW!”

Me: “It is $49.99 to replace the screen on your phone, and the repairs for this laptop will approximately cost $219.99. Including tax, your total comes to $291.57. Will that be cash or card?”

Driver: “What!? I am not paying for this a**hole’s laptop. It’s his own f****** fault for leaving it in the parking space!”

Me: “So, let me get this straight: you park in the clearly marked crosswalk, which is a no-parking zone. You whip into the space and nearly hit him because you weren’t paying attention to where you were going, and run over his laptop. The same laptop I have spent the last two days working on, which was sitting in, again, a clearly marked no-parking zone, and you’re not going to take responsibility for your actions?”

Driver: “Exactly! I am not paying for this little s***’s stupidity.”

Me: *to the customer* “It looks like your repairs will be on me.”

Customer: “Thank you, but you don’t have to do that.”

Driver: “Yeah, you have to pay for it because you’re a dumba** that left his computer in a parking space.” *turns to me* “Now give me my d*** phone.”

Me: “Get out.”

Driver: “No, I want my phone. Now hand it over.”

Me: “No. Either you pay for all of it, or you get nothing.”

Driver: “I’ll sue!”

Me: *pointing* “There are a total of one, two, three security cameras that have caught everything on tape. Do you really think you could justify refusing to pay damages in front of a judge?”

(The driver looks crestfallen, and finally pays for all of it. The customer gives me a $20 tip!)

 

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They’re Having A Ball(s)

| Right | November 13, 2013

Philan-stroppy

| Wales, UK | Right | November 12, 2013

(My manager and I are approached by a regular customer who is notorious for being just downright nasty and mean-spirited. She doesn’t believe in donating to charity and always thinks we’re barmy for wanting to help others.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you served that man!”

Manager: “What?”

Customer: “I gave him money in the car park! He said it was for food or a bus or something, and he bought beer! You do know he’s a homeless alcoholic, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, what do you want us to do?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you served him! You shouldn’t have let him buy alcohol! I feel violated!”

(The manager realizes she may be angling for a refund of the gentleman’s beer money.)

Manager: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are not in control of what happens away from our premises. If he asked you for money and you gave it to him, then that is only your fault. Now, if there’s nothing we can help you with, please have a pleasant Halloween.”

Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LET HIM ABUSE MY MONEY!”

(The customer storms out. The manager turns to me.)

Manager: “I don’t believe for a minute that she gave him money; she’s just trying to cause trouble. She’s probably got a problem with us for being in fancy dress for charity, too!”

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Floored By The Lack Of Logic

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | November 12, 2013

(I work at a hotel as an event coordinator. The building was not originally a hotel, and a top level had been added on that has an open-air pool and a gym. Due to this, the lifts do not go to it, and everyone has to use stairs placed next to the lift instead. A guest approaches me as I am walking to the foyer.)

Guest: “I would like to make a complaint.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Guest: “I was on the top floor using the gym, and when I was done I found that there was no way to leave the floor. I looked everywhere, and could only find the emergency exit, and all floors were locked from the other side! So I had to go out the back alley and walk back around to the front entrance, and I would just like to voice how RIDICULOUS it is to have no way out of that level.”

Me: “Okay, I will pass that on to my manager, but I have to ask: how did you get on the floor in the first place if there is no way in or out?”

Guest: “Oh, um… well…”

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