Model Behavior

| Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | School

(Several other high school students and I are on lunch break at a Model UN simulation. I am part of the Nigeria delegation. We are all about 15 years old.)

Woman: “So, are you a visiting diplomat from Nigeria?”

Me: “No, there’s a Model UN for high school students here today. I’m not really a diplomat.”

Woman: “Oh, cool. So you’re like some foreign student who gets sent here to do some simulation?”

Me: “No, I go to [local high school]. I’m not actually Nigerian.”

(Note that I am white and do not in any way remotely resemble someone one would expect to be from Nigeria.)

Woman: “Isn’t it a felony to impersonate an ambassador?”

Me: “No, it’s a model UN meeting. I’m not impersonating anybody. My tag clearly says ‘Model United Nations.'”

Woman: “Well, I’m reporting you to campus security!”

(She goes over to the campus security booth nearby and says something to the guard. The guard responds and she angrily walks away. As soon as she is gone, he bursts out laughing).

Coffee Prepared For The Fashion Impaired

| Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “You put too much milk in that!”

(I put milk into the drink.)

Customer: “Dump some of that out!”

(I pour out some of the milk.)

Customer: “Now add more ice!”

(I add more ice, but the customer is clearly not satisfied.)

Customer: “You guys always mess up my drink! It’s not that hard. Just make the whole thing again. This is ridiculous.”

Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll remake it for you. Just a minute.”

(Instead of waiting, the customer leaves the store in a huff. Another customer leans over the counter.)

Another customer: “I would be that rude too if I was wearing a fanny pack.”

Grand Theft Innocence

| Georgia, USA | Family & Kids

(Note: it’s illegal to sell games rated M to small children without parental consent. A young boy and girl, both about ten years old, bring a game well-known for violence, sex, and other child-inappropriate behavior to the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I need your parent’s permission before I can sell you this.”

Kid #1: “Why? He said we can have it. We have the other ones. Just sell it to me.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll have to get your parent’s permission first.”

Kid #2: “Fine. I’ll go get him. Daddy is in the car.”

(The kid returns, followed by her irate dad.)

Dad: “Why won’t you sell them this stupid game? I had to get out of the car because you can’t trust my children not to buy something they shouldn’t? I have good kids!”

Me: “I’m sure you do, sir. It’s a law, though. I can get fired if I don’t make sure to get your permission.”

Dad: “There’s nothing wrong with this game! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “Sure.”

(My manager comes over and gets and ear-full from the guy. He explains how I’ve insulted him and his children by making him come inside.)

Manager: “Well, sir, she’s absolutely right. This game is rated mature and has some pretty rough language and sexual content.”

Dad: “Don’t you think I know what the game is? They have the other ones.”

Manager: “I’m a little surprised, sir. I don’t allow my kids to play this game. It’s pretty violent.”

Dad: “I turn the volume down! What kind of parent do you think I am?”

Manager: “Well, sir, you can’t turn the volume down on beating a hooker with a baseball bat.”

(The dad storms out of the store with his kids, all the while asking if they knew about the hookers and baseball bats.)

Some Days Just Aren’t Worthy

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [store] uniforms. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I have a couple of questions. First off, do you guys sell uniforms?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Okay, great, now my second question is, are you guys open?”

Me: “Yes, we are open all week.”

Caller: “So, you’re closed on Sundays?”

Me: “No, we are open all 7 days.”

Caller: “But you just said you’re open all week.”

Me: “Yes, hence the seven days.”

Caller: “Hey, don’t get smart with me! There are only 5 days in the week and 2 days in the weekend!”

Me: *confused* “No, there are 7 days in a week and we are open all seven days.”

Caller: “I want to speak to your manager now!”

Me: “Okay, please hold and I’ll transfer you.”

Manager: “Hello, [manager] speaking, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you people just hire the most stupid people on the planet?”

Friends In Unusual Places

| New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Top

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a parcel.”

Me: “May I have your tracking number, please?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your tracking number. All of our parcels have tracking numbers which the sender can give you if you do not have it.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have it?”

Me: “Because I didn’t send you the parcel.”

Customer: “So, who did then?”

Me: “Sir, do you not know who sent you the item?”

Customer: “No, but my neighbor just had something delivered and I want one too. So send me something now!”

(The caller then muffles the phone and I can hear what sounds like sobs.)

Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

Customer: “I’m so lonely and I just wanted to get a present!” *more sobbing*

Customer: “I’m so lonely!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll go now…”

Me: “Sir…wait. We do have a parcel for you. I just need to confirm your address to send it to you. It will be there this afternoon!”

(After he gives me his address, I have a quick whip around the call center and we get a card signed by the team, put in a few chocolate bars with other happy bits and pieces, and send it to him. He calls the next day and thanks us all. Now, he rings once a week on average, and we are all happy to chat with him.)

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