(Bodily) Equipment Malfunctions

| New Zealand | Technology

(The modems we supply customers with have a light that has “PPP” written next to it. Customers often call up when their internet is down and tell us that their PPP light is off.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [ISP]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: *distressed* “My PP is not working!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Something is wrong with my PP!”

Not For The Intellectually Handicapped

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

Customer: “When I went, they wouldn’t let me park in the handicap spot because I didn’t have a tag.”

Me: “Well, are you handicapped?”

Customer: “No. I shared the price of the spot with my brother who is handicapped.”

Me: “Then you can’t park there.”

Customer: “But I paid for it!”

Me: “Miss, the police are really cracking down on this. If you park there and are not handicapped, they will ticket and tow your car resulting in fees up to or over $1,000.”

Customer: “But I paid for it!”

Me: “You can’t park there. You’re not handicapped. It doesn’t matter if you paid for it. If you’re not handicapped, then you cannot park in a handicapped spot.”

Customer: “That is so useless!”

Waste Not, Want Not, Part 2

, | Hudson Valley, NY, USA | Food & Drink

(It’s about two hours before closing and I’m cleaning up our breakfast area, which includes two rotating ovens that often have burnt bagels sitting in the back of them. A customer comes over after I’ve thrown the remaining ones in the trash. Keep in mind it’s late at night.)

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m cleaning up the bagels for the night. I can’t believe the amount of bagels people leave here sometimes.”

(The customer points at one of the more badly burnt bagels in the trash.)

Customer: “That’s mine.”

Me: *jokingly* “I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t suppose you still want it, do you?”

Customer: “Yes, I do.” *takes it out of the trash and walks off*

Related:
Waste Not, Want Not

If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense

| Texas, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Customer: “How much is a push pop?”

Me: “75 cents.”

Customer: “What is that, a dollar?”

Me: *speechless*

A Slice Of Self Entitlement

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Food & Drink

(The pizza shop I work at sells cups for the fountain soda machine where you fill your drinks yourself. Like most restaurants, we also offer special cups for customers who haven’t purchased a drink.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Your machine is out of [soda brand]. Go back there and change it immediately!”

Me: “Well, I am sorry but we are out [soda brand] and we won’t be getting anymore until tomorrow. All of the other sodas work fine, though.”

Customer: “Then I want a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Because that’s a water cup.”

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