The Text Signaler Concurrence

| Ashford, Kent, UK | At The Checkout, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(I am on the checkout, chatting away to a woman and her daughter whilst putting their shopping through. Suddenly, the woman gets a text message on her mobile.)

Phone: “Bazinga! Bazinga!”

Me: “Um, did your phone just ‘bazinga’?”

Woman: “Oh, yes, I have a text. Sorry about that.”

Daughter: “You’re the first to recognize the word.”

Me: “Oh, we love The Big Bang Theory. My dad has that as his text alert too.”

Daughter: “I have the theme as my ringtone!”

Me: “So do both my parents!”

(We all talk about the show for a few moments before parting ways. The next customer comes up, having overheard the last part of our chat.)

Next Customer: “I’m glad they’ve gone. They were in my spot.”

Me: “Another fan?”

Next Customer: “Oh yes…”

They Should Have Stolen Some Intelligence

| CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

(Three shoplifters run out of the store with a bunch of liquor. Our Loss Prevention agent has been watching them, and manages to catch the one holding most of the liquor, but the other two get away. Later in the night, the police come. One officer goes upstairs with the shoplifter, while the other takes quick statements from us. Suddenly, the two other shoplifters who had run off earlier came back inside.)

Shoplifter: “Hey, is our friend still here?”

(I quickly look at the cop right behind me.)

Me: “Uh, yeah, he’s upstairs.”

Shoplifter: “Sweet, can one of you guys go upstairs to get him or something? He has our pot.”

(The cop and I share an incredulous look, while the two shoplifters just stand there.)

Cop: “I think you’re gonna need to come with me.”

(The officer took the shoplifters upstairs, where they were all arrested for possession.)

Whiskers Away From Fur-Ball Abuse

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work for a small, privately owned, non-profit, no-kill animal shelter. We are full to capacity as kitten season is in full swing. A woman calls wanting to give up her cat to us.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but we are currently full and have no open cages.”

Customer: “So if I bring you guys a cage, you’ll take my cat?”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You see, we have no room for another cage.”

Customer: “You can’t just shove the cat in a corner somewhere?”

Me: “Um… I’m afraid not, ma’am. However, I can provide you with the names and phone numbers of several other local shelters that may be able to help you.”

Customer: “Oh, that sounds good! Do you know if they’ll be able to take my cat?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “To save time, please only give me numbers of shelters who have room for my cat!”

Me: “Ma’am, we are a private shelter, and not affiliated with any other locations. I wouldn’t know how many vacancies other shelters have at the moment.”

Customer: “Well, why not?! That’s so unprofessional! You should know things like that!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am; I’m generally too busy feeding the animals in the morning to call around to every local shelter and ask how many open cages they have that day.”

Customer: “YOU SHOULD! YOU SHOULD SPEND LESS TIME WORRYING ABOUT ANIMALS, AND MORE TIME HELPING CUSTOMERS!”