Some Barters Will Get You Busted

| Chicago, IL, USA | Criminal & Illegal

(A middle-aged man walks up to my register with some odds and ends.)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Well, eventually. I had some help. All the guys on the floor are really helpful.”

Me: “That’s good to hear.”

(I continue ringing out the man’s purchases in silence for a few seconds.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m not real good with all that fix-it stuff…but if you ever need a good batch of cocaine, I can whip that up real fast!”

TMI On The VJ, Toots

| Louisiana, USA | Rude & Risque

(An elderly woman approaches my counter at work.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, but is your grandfather’s name Sean?”

Me: “No, ma’am, why do you ask?”

Customer: “You look just like the sailor I celebrated VJ Day with!” *winks*

Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet, Part 2

| Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink

(I work in the wine department of a well known grocery chain.)

Customer: “Can you show me where the Charbonnay is?”

Me: “Ah, you mean Chardonnay. It’s right over here.”

(I hand her a bottle.)

Customer: “That’s not Charbonnay. Charbonnay is RED!”

Me: “Oh, sorry. Here you go!”

(I hand her a bottle of Cabernet sauvignon.)

Customer: “That’s more like it!” *waddles off grumbling about how stupid I am*

Related:
Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

Tech Support: 5000 B.C.

| Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Here is the number. Do you have a pen?”

Customer: “No, I’ve never used one before…”

Harvested From The Great Nyquil Tree

| Ontario, Canada | Health & Body

Patient: “Hi, my 6-month-old grandson has some congestion in his nose and a fever. I gave him some NyQuil yesterday and that seemed to help. Is there anything you would recommend?”

Me: “For the congestion, you can use these saline drops, they’re–”

Patient: “No! I don’t wanna use that medicated stuff.”

Me: “All right. Well, for the fever you can try this Tylenol. Do you know the wei–”

Patient: “No! I don’t want to use that! It has acetaminophen in it! That’s not safe for babies.”

Me: “Actually, acetaminophen is quite safe for infants.”

Patient: “You’re a pharmacist. You would say that!”

Me: “Well, the only other option is the Advil.”

Patient: “That has acetaminophen too!”

Me: “No, that has ibuprofen. Which is also saf–”

Patient: “No, it isn’t!”

Me: “Are you aware that NyQuil has acetaminophen in it?”

Patient: “You lie! NyQuil has NyQuil in it! Isn’t there anything more natural I can give?!”

Me: “No.”

Patient: “You’re useless!” *storms off*

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