Size Matters, Part 2

| Michigan, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working at the dressing room of a Halloween store. A rather large woman comes up to me to try on a few costumes. All of them sized medium. Now, costumes run small, so these costumes are dress-size 6-8. I don’t say anything to her, even though I know they won’t fit.)

Customer: “Hey, I like this one, but none of them fit.”

Me: “Well, it looks like we do have them in a large, so if you’d like me to go get it for you–”

Customer: “No, I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

Me: “Yes, but the only bigger costumes we have are size large. Halloween costumes tend to run pretty small, so–”

Customer: “Are you listening? I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

Me: “Ma’am, the next size up is–”

Customer: “You know what? Screw this. This store is terrible. I am never coming back here!” *storms off*

Size Matters

And The Picture Becomes Clear

, | Paris, France | Technology

(The customer arrives very angry at my desk. He nervously holds a memory card in his hand.)

Customer: “I want a new memory card. This one is really bad!”

Me: “What troubles do you have with this one?”

Customer: “It only makes blurry pictures!”

Me: “Well, I guess the problem might be the camera, not the memory card.”

Customer: “Oh, and do you have memory cards in black & white?”

Me: “Or it could be the photographer…”

I Meant What I Said And I Said What I Meant

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

Customer #1: “Um, I’d like a quickie.”

Me: *offended* “EXCUSE ME?”

Customer#1: “A quickie!” *licks his lips*

(Offended, I skip him and serve the next table.)

Customer #2: *apparently having overheard* “I think it’s pronounced ‘quiche’.”

Me, to customer #1: “Oh! You meant quiche?”

Customer #1: “No!”

The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

Four, Five, And Whatever Comes After Six

| West Byfleet, UK | Technology

(I’ve been hired by a software company to phone up their customers and get feedback on their help desk service.)

Me: “On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being ‘poor’ and 10 being ‘excellent’, how would you rate the overall service of the help desk?”

Customer: “Phew…I’m not sure. I mean, it’s really good.”

Me: “I understand it’s a tricky question, but if you had to put a number to it?”

Customer: “Well, I mean, it’s sort of in between a 8 and a 10, really.”

Me: “So, a 9?”

Customer: “Well, I suppose so.”

Go Beep Yourself

| Texas, USA | At The Checkout

(We are having a sale where if you buy any one of a certain set of DVDs or CDs you get a music sampler for free. The customer I’m ringing up has one such item. I grab the music sampler, explain that she gets it for free today, scan it, and place it in her bag.)

Customer: “Hold on! That isn’t free! You scanned it. You scanned it and your computer went beep! You’re charging me for it!”

Me: “We have to scan the free items so that we can keep track of our inventory, but it rings up as zero.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! It went beep! Take it off! I don’t want it if you’re going to charge me!”

(I turn my computer screen around so that she can see it and point to the title of the music sampler and its price.)

Me: “See? It rang up zero. I just have to scan it so that we can keep track if how many we sell.”

Customer: “But it beeped! You b****, don’t lie to me! That’s unchristian! I’m never shopping at this store again!”

(She snatches up her keys and stomps out of the store without buying anything.)

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