Don’t Know What Game He Is Trying To Play

| Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

(A short line forms at my checkout counter, and the first customer in line is a confused-looking man. He’s pretty out of it, but he seems friendly enough. He sets down a few items, and while I add up the purchases he browses the cigarettes, lotto, and scratch-off tickets kept behind the counter.)

Customer: “What are the cheapest cigarettes you have?”

Me: “That would be [brand]. What flavor would you like?”

Customer: “What are the flavors?”

(I list the flavors and he chooses one. Thinking he’s finished, I ring up the cigarettes too, and give him his total. He pauses in thought.)

Customer: “Actually, can I get the menthol instead?”

Me: “Uh, sure. No problem.”

(I switch the cigarettes. Luckily they are the same price.)

Me: “Will there be anything else?”

Customer: “One lottery please.”

Me: “Okay, what game do you want to play?”

Customer: “What games are there?”

(I list the games and how much they cost.)

Customer: “One [game].”

(I print the ticket and ring it up. He takes a long pause.)

Customer: “And a [different game].”

(I print ticket and ring it up. Pause.)

Customer: “And [third game].”

(The line behind him has grown by a couple people. By this point I’m a little irked by his random impulsive decisions and sluggish pace, but I follow his requests with a smile. He then notices the scratch-off ticket display.)

Customer: “What games are these?”

Me: *sighs*

(I go over the games and costs and he proceeds to pick them one at a time, despite my asking if there’s multiple things I can get him at once. The whole transaction has gone on for longer than five minutes now. Once he’s done, he drops a wad of crumpled up cash and loose change on my counter. I count out what he owes while he stares blankly. As I finish counting his change, I’m about to finally cash out the transaction.)

Customer: “Can I have another [scratch-off game]?”

Me: “Will that be it, sir? Is there anything else you want right now?”

Customer: “No.”

(I silently fume, but add the ticket and take the additional money for it. He stares at the change left in front of him.)

Customer: “Do I need more money?”

Me: “NO! You are all paid for! You are good to go. All set.”

(He gathers his pile of goods, tickets and change and leaves. Finally, the clearly annoyed customers still in line move forward.)

Next Customer: “Well, that must have been frustrating.”

Me: “Tell me about it.”

(I ring up the next customer quickly and easily and he leaves. Five seconds later, he comes back in.)

Next Customer: “He’s pissing on your sidewalk.”

Me: “WHAT?!”

(Lo and behold, only about 20 feet outside the door, the first customer has his fly open and is urinating on the side of the sidewalk, in broad daylight.)

Me: “HEY YOU, STOP IT!”

(The customer looks up, stops and zips up his fly. He then begins to walk back towards me and the store.)

Customer: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t know you couldn’t. I didn’t know.”

(As a gesture of peace, he offers me his hand that had been previously occupied only few seconds before.)

Me: “JUST GO!”

Piercing Judgments

| Medford, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

(I have a purple/reddish birthmark about the size of a quarter above my eyebrow. I generally forget it exists. A self-important looking customer in his 60s comes to my register.)

Customer: “Serves you right.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What happened, did it get infected?” *huffs* “That’s what you get for piercing your face.”

(Note: I have several small studs in each ear, but no other piercings.)

Me: “I don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: *smugly points to my eyebrow without saying a word*

Me: “That’s actually a birthmark, but thanks for being so judgmental!”

(The customer turns red, grabs his coffee, and quickly walks away without saying a word. He nearly spills his coffee on someone else in the process!)

Past The Night’s Watch

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

(To prevent anyone from sneaking into the park, the area is surrounded by an 8-10 foot high wall. I’m working at the season-pass entrance, when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Uh… a few teenagers just jumped the wall.”

(I stare blankly at her, as in my entire time I’ve worked at the park I’ve never heard of anyone getting over that wall.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “The wall. I saw three people climb over the wall: two guys and a girl in their early twenties.”

Me: “Uh, thank you for telling me. I’ll scan your pass and inform security once you’re through.”

Customer: “Hey, what’s behind that wall anyways?”

(I think for a moment, before I remember that the Employee Area has a small gate that leads into a small grassy area behind the wall. If anyone jumped the wall, they would have no possible way to go but through that gate, essentially right into a congregation of 10-20 employees on their break and security’s lap.)

Me: “Oh my god! It’s the employee patio!”

(Sure enough, two security guards escort two guys and a girl in their twenties out of my entrance. The guys look giddy, like the whole thing is a joke, while the girl is holding her hand to her forehead, attempting to hide her face. One of the guys grins at me.)

Guy One: “I’m sorry we tried.”

Guy Two: “I’m not!”

Girl: “Shut up both of you!”