It’s Nice To Be Relatively Infestation-Free

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am talking with a customer that is also my neighbor. I am ringing in about the ants that have been getting into our houses.)

Customer: “Those darn ants are everywhere this time of year!”

Me: “Yeah, we’ve had a lot of trouble keeping them out these days. I don’t know what to try next!”

Next customer: “You know what works? Ant-Be-Gone. I used it once, and my wife’s Aunt hasn’t come around for years!”

Crazies Of Different Stripes

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I perform technical service on analytical instruments for labs. I am in a lab fixing an instrument that has had a lot of issues.)

Lab tech: “Just pray over it. That will make it better. Just pray.”

Me: “I wish it were that easy! We’re almost there though.”

Lab tech: “You pray over it, I will go to hell. I have to go to hell to fight the zebras!”

Taste The Rainbow

| Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

(Quality Street is a brand of chocolates here in the UK. They have launched a range of large size versions of their sweets, such as The Big Green Triangle and The Big Purple One.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you guys have big, purple ones?”

(My colleague and I, despite our best efforts, burst into giggles.)

Customer: “What’s so funn…oh!”

Bleeding For A Cause

, | Evans, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(I call people to request for them to come in and donate blood.)

Me: “Hello! This is [name] with the blood center.”

Male customer: “Oh, is it that time of the month again?”

Me: *speechless*

Male customer: “I just realized what I said.”

The Sweet Smell Of Savings

, | Chino, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(A customer comes to my window and I help him get his entry and equipment rentals. I also give him a coupon for his next visit.)

Me: “Here is a coupon for $5 off your next visit.”

(The customer starts to scratch the coupon.)

Customer: “What’s it do?”

Me: “Sir, it’s not scratch and sniff. It gets you $5 off you next visit.”

(He scratches the coupon with more force, then smells it.)

Customer: “I don’t smell anything. What’s it do?”

Me: “It’s a $5 off coupon for your next visit.”

(The customer scratches the coupon some more.)

Customer: “Ugh! I don’t understand. I scratch it and it doesn’t smell like anything. What does it do?!”

Me: “The next time you come back, you bring this with you and you save $5 on your entry.”

Customer: “Oh, so it doesn’t smell like anything?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “And I save $5 on my next visit?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m from out of state, so, no thank you!”

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