Not A Shred Of Intelligence

, | Orange County, NY, USA | School, Top, Wild & Unruly

(It’s finals week and a student approaches our help desk.)

Student: “Your copy machine isn’t working. My papers wont come out.”

Me: “It’s probably jammed. I’ll have my coworker fix that for you.”

(My coworker follows the student to the copy machines. After a few minutes, the student runs by me in tears. My coworker comes back a few moments later.)

Me: “What happened?!”

Coworker: “She used the shredder instead of the copy machine.”

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Don’t Mess With The Lez

| Boston, MA, USA | Bigotry, Top

(I have a small nose stud. As I’m taking an old man’s tickets, he reaches out and pokes my nose ring.)

Customer: *in a rude, judgmental tone* “So, what’s this for?”

Me: “It’s a signal to the other lesbians.”

Customer: *makes a horrified face and scurries away*

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Spontaneous Degeneration

| Florida, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I work at a high end retail store that sells frogs in little tanks.)

Customer: “Do the frogs come out of rocks?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “The frogs? Do they come out of rocks?”

Me: “No. Frogs come from eggs.”

Customer: “Oh…”

All Aboard The U.S.S. Gluteus Maximus

| Nevada, USA | Language & Words

Customer: “Is there a** sailing here?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “A** sailing. You know, like rock climbing?”

Me: “You mean abseiling?”

Customer: “That’s what I said!”

Lighten My Load, Moisten My Road

| Brisbane, Australia | Bigotry, Wild & Unruly

(Our photo developing machine requires regular water refills, which we get by filling a 20 liter jug in the staff room and carrying it across the large sales floor back to the machine. Most of the staff fill it halfway or use a trolley, but it’s much quicker to just fill it all the way and carry it, which is what I do.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. I just need to squeeze past you for a moment.”

Customer: *sees me carrying the 20 liter jug* “Oh my God! Do they make you carry that? That’s too heavy for a little girl like you!”

Me: “It’s fine, ma’am. It’s only 20 kilos, and I’m only carrying it across the store. If you could just move to one side of the aisle, I’ll be able to put it down soon, too.”

Customer: “But one of the boys should be doing that! A girl can’t carry all that! And you’re so tiny!”

Me: “Well, I actually do this pretty regularly, so I guess it doesn’t really matter if I’m a girl or—”

Customer: “Here!”

(Without warning, she slams both her hands into the bottom of the jug so it hits me in the face. The jug sloshes water all over me, the aisle, and the jug, making it very slippery, and leaves me both bruised and uncomfortable.)

Customer: “There! Now at least it’s a bit lighter.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “You’re welcome!”

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