Intelligence Unplugged

| Pocatello, ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer’s cable box has an error and needs to be reset to correct it.)

Me: “Okay we need to reset your box. We can do that by unplugging it for 15 seconds and plugging it back in.”

Customer: “It’s not plugged in.”

Me: “It’s not plugged in?”

Customer: “No it’s never been plugged in.”

Me: “So it’s not plugged in?”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “The power light is on right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And we have that error message on the screen correct?”

Customer: “Correct.”

Me: “But it’s not plugged in?”

Customer: “Right, it’s never been plugged in.”

Me: “…let’s check just to make sure.”

Customer: “Alright, but you’re wasting my time. This has never been plugged in since you guys hooked it up a few years ago.”

Me: “I understand. Just humor me.”

Customer: “Oh… it is plugged in. What did you want me to do?”

Me: “Unplug it for 15 seconds, and plug it back in.”

(After that it works just fine!)

Marri(age) Dispute

| OR, USA | Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am a secretary at a big summer camp. Due to the extended needs of our small children, we only take kids through age 12. I answer a call.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Camp]; how may I help you?”

Mother: “I’d like to register my son for the finger-painting class.”

Me: “That’s excellent. May I just ask your son’s age?”

Mother: “Certainly, he’s 17.”

Me: “…I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can take your son.”

Mother: “Why?!”

Me: “Because we only take children up to age 12, and anyhow, this class is for our five-year-old age group. If you’d like, I can refer you to [teen camp]; they’re better suited to teens.”

Mother: “No! You’re going to take my son! He wants this class!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but that rule is set in stone. We can’t bend it. Like I said, I can help you—”

Mother: “NO! NO! NO! You sign him up right now or I’ll have you fired!” *to son* “Here, Little Johnny! Tell this b**** to put you in the class!”

Little Johnny: “Yeah, I know the class is for five-year olds. My mom just doesn’t want me to go see my dad. Sorry about that. She’s an idiot. Bye.”

Mother: *in background* “LITTLE JOHNNY! DON’T TELL HER THAT!” *click*

Max Pain

| PA, USA | Funny Names

Customer: “Thanks for your help. What is your name?”

Me: “My name is Max.”

Customer: “Matt?”

Me: “Max.”

Customer: “Brad?”

Me: “Max.”

Customer: “Jack?”

Me: “Max. M-A-X. Max.”

Customer: “Matt?”

Me: *giving up* “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, good, I thought I heard you saying ‘Max,’ but that’s not a real name so I figured that I misheard.”