Seats Are All ‘Bout Location, Location, Location

| Hollywood, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling Hollywood Bowl audience services. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need help finding my seat on the seating map.”

Me: “Sure, what seats are they?”

Customer: “Okay, well, these seats are in section E, row Z, seat 114.”

Me: “Um, section E isn’t set up that way. The rows go in numbers, and the highest seat in that section is seat 47.”

Customer: “So, I can just go to the box office and they can figure it out from there?”

Me: “I guess so, but that row and those seats don’t exist at the Hollywood Bowl.”

Customer: “Well, these are seats for the Santa Barbara Bowl. Is that the same as the Hollywood Bowl?”

Me: “No. No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Oh, so where’s the Santa Barbara Bowl?”

Me: “I would assume in Santa Barbara.”

Perverted Product Previews

| Connecticut, USA | Food & Drink

(I am a food service specialist in a deli.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “I want a quarter pound of American cheese.”

Me: “How is this sliced?”

Customer: “Don’t show me the slice! And I don’t want a sample, either!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s just our policy.”

Customer: “Well, that’s a stupid policy. If I were the manager, I would get rid of that.”

Me: “Well, most people like to see the slice so they can make sure it’s what they like.”

Customer: “What did you say? Most people want to see the slice? Well, that’s just sick!”

Rounding Down To The Nearest Child

, | Assen, The Netherlands | Family & Kids

(I work in a call center that answers calls from people with broken cars in foreign countries. We always ask how many people are on board of the car.)

Me: “Are there any children in your car?”

Customer: “Yes, four children. One of the children is under four. Three are aged between four and twelve and one is older than twelve.”

Me: “So, you have five children?”

Customer: “No! Four children!”

Me: “But, you just mentioned five children.”

Customer: “Don’t you think I know how many kids I have?”

Customer, to his wife: “Honey, how many kids do we have?”

Customer: “I’m sorry. You’re right, I’ve got five children.”

Destination Or Bust

, | New Zealand | Extra Stupid

(I work in the call center for a road side assistance company in New Zealand. When members run out of fuel, we can bring it out to them, but they must pay for the fuel.)

Me: “Welcome to road service, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m out of fuel and I’m in the middle of [remote mountain pass].”

Me: “That’s fine, we can find you. Do you have money for the fuel?”

Customer: “Of course not! If I had money, I would have filled-up before I started on my trip, you idiot!”

Persistent ID-10-T Error

| Mesa, AZ, USA | Technology

(I work warranty at a well known cellular phone company. A customer arrives and complains that her phone is not charging. She had come in the previous day with the same issue, and a representative had replaced her phone without troubleshooting her issue.)

Customer: “This phone is terrible! This is the second one and it still won’t charge! I want you to give me a new phone! There is no way I’m keeping this model.”

Me: “Alright, let me take a look and see what might be going on…”

(I troubleshoot the phone for about 15 minutes, but the phone seems to hold its charge just fine. I can see no other issues with the phone, battery, or charger.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the phone seems to be in perfect working condition.”

(She snatches the phone from my hands and grabs the charger cord off the desk, and attempts to plug it in.)

Customer: “See, this stupid cable doesn’t even fit! It’s useless!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not the charging port, that’s the memory card slot.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s still a stupid phone!” *storms off*

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