One Size Wraps All

| Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Is this unisex?”

Me: “It’s a towel, I don’t–”

Customer: “But is it unisex?”

Me: “It’s a towel set.”

Customer: “I know, but is it unisex?”

Me: “It’s a towel. I’m pretty sure towels are unisex worldwide.”

Customer: “You better be right!”

The Color Is Titillating Pink

| Auburn Hills, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

(I work at a novelty store. We sell, among other things, adult “love toys”, one of which is made to look like a tube of lipstick to provide some discretion. A woman in her mid 30s sets one on the counter.)

Customer: “Do you know what color this is?”

Me: “It’s hot pink, ma’am.”

Customer: “Even when you put it on?”

Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t really a lipstick.”

Customer: *confused* “Then, what is it?”

Me: “It’s a vibrator, miss.”

Customer: “Oh! Oh my…I don’t think I want this anymore.”

Because Every Day Is A Special Day

| Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink

Customer: “Can I get the Monday special, please?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because it’s Friday. The only special available today is the Friday special.”

Customer: “Oh, can I just have your Wednesday special then, please?

An Electrifying Confection

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology

(This happens while I’m setting up a new prepaid phone with a cute little lady.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Go ahead and press the phone’s power button and let me know when it has powered up.”

Customer: “The power? What is power?”

Me: “It’s the button you normally hang calls up with. Looks like a little red telephone.”

Customer: “Ah, I see!”

(A few minutes pass in silence.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you having trouble turning the phone on?”

Customer: “Yes. It doesn’t work. There’s no light.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Check and make sure the battery is pushed in all the way on the back.”

Customer: “Battery? What battery?”

Me: “It came with the phone, in the package. It’s small, black, and has 3 little metal contacts on one end. You need to put it inside the back part of your phone.”

Customer: “I don’t see a battery. There isn’t one in the phone, and there isn’t one in the package, either.”

Me: “You don’t see it? It should have been packaged in a separate little baggie–”

Customer: “OH! That! That’s in my candy dish!”

Me: “Your candy dish?”

Customer: “Yeah! I saw it on table and thought it was a piece of chocolate!”

It’s Funnier When The Parents Do It

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Family & Kids

(I work at a major gaming retailer. A customer walks in with her son and wants to trade games in for another game. I have a running joke I state to customers: when signing over games, I verify that they are their games and not games from some kids they beat up.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Please sign on the pad stating these are your games, that you are voluntarily selling them to us, and that you didn’t beat up some kid and leave him in a snow drift somewhere.”

(The customer’s 14 year old son cracks up laughing.)

Customer: “How can you say that?! That is a rude and despicable thing to accuse me of!”

Son: “Mom, he’s kidding!”

(The customers behind her start laughing as well.)

Customer: “Ah, okay. I’d like [game] in exchange, please.”

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