The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a well-known electronics store. I am standing by the entrance welcoming people and handing out ads. A woman comes rushing in.)

Customer: “I need help! Where are your geeks?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “You can go over to the counter, just next to customer service. Someone there can help you.”

(About 20 minutes later, I see the woman heading to the exit.)

Me: “Did you get your problem straightened out?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Thank you so much! I was in need of your geekiness and now everything is okay!”

Fishing For Savings

| Utah, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the admissions office of a large university, sitting near the residency window. People frequently come in to dispute being ruled a non-resident for tuition purposes, which results in higher tuition.)

Student: “I was ruled a non-resident and I’m a resident?”

Me: “Well, just let me see your ID and I’ll pull up your file and we can take a look.”

(I pull up the file on my computer.)

Me: “It says on your application that you’ve only been here six months and you still have an out-of-state driver’s license. To be classified as a resident, you need to have lived in-state for at least 12 months and have a Utah driver’s license.”

Student: “That’s crap! I have a Utah fishing license. Doesn’t that count for anything?!”

A Little More Empathy, A Little Less Entropy

| Australia | Food & Drink

(I have just finished making a coffee order and I call out the number the customer was given. No one comes to pick up the order, so I call the number two or three times before the customer finally comes up to the counter to pick up her order. After a few seconds, she returns.)

Customer: “This coffee is cold!”

Me: “It’s been sitting here for a few minutes. I called it out a couple times but no one came to pick it up.”

Customer: “Well, this is cold! Perhaps you should only have competent people make coffees!”

May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away, Part 3

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Technology

(A customer brings in a phone that is still covered in the snow she just dropped it in.)

Me: “I am sorry, but we do not service liquid damaged phones.”

Customer: “How is that liquid damaged?”

Me: “Well, you brought it in covered in snow.”

Customer: “Snow is not water.”

Me: “It’s frozen water. See how the counter is getting wet?”

Customer: “Well, now it is! You need to replace my phone since you let it get wet!”

Related:
May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away, Part 2
May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

America’s Favorite Pastime

| Bloomington, IN, USA | School

(I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

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