Unfortunately, Stupidity Is Forever

| Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Top

(I have reddish brown hair with the underside dyed teal. Today, my hair is up in a clip, which makes it very visible.)

Customer: “Ugh, why would you do that to yourself?”

Me: “I’m sorry, do what?”

Customer: “Dye your hair that awful color! Are you that desperate for attention?”

Me: “No, teal is just my favorite color, and it makes me happy. And the great thing about hair is that it isn’t permanent.”

Customer: “I don’t get you rebellious teenagers.”

Me: “I’m 24 and very happily married. I’m not trying to rebel against anyone or anything. I just like teal, ma’am.”

Customer: “What are you going to tell your kids when they ask why mommy has blue hair?”

Me: “Oh, it’ll definitely be gone by then.”

Customer: *walks out with a big tramp stamp sticking out from the bottom of her shirt*

Don’t Call Us, We Won’t Call You

| New York, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Ticketing services, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I have an issue. It keeps telling me that for delivery, for the tickets ‘will call’.”

Me: “Yes, that is an option for the tickets.”

Customer: “Yes, but will you call me, do I call you? How long do I have to wait?”

Me: “Oh! No, no…’will call’ means we hold the ticket at the box office and you pick it up at the show.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that?!”

That’ll Be An Arm And A Never Mind

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body

(A customer is complaining that we have cancelled her membership with us, even though she hasn’t paid for it for 6 months.)

Customer: “This is getting ridiculous. I am going to take this to [local news station]. I’m disabled, and you’re discriminating against me because I am disabled.”

Me: “I am not discriminating against you. The same rule applies to all members who fail to pay for their membership. Unfortunately, it has been cancelled and the only way to become a member again is to rejoin.”

Customer: “If you don’t fix this for me, I’m going to come down there to your head office, take off my prosthetic leg, and beat you with it! Good bye!”

Next They’ll Be Huffing Parmesan

| Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

(I have been out the back making dough before serving the customer. I haven’t had time to clean myself up a bit, so I have flour on my shirt.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: *looking at my shirt* “Can I speak to the manager right away, please?”

Me: *confused* “Um, okay.”

(I call the manager over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to complain about this employee. He has drugs on his shirt. He should be fired immediately!”

Manager: *joking* “But, then, where would I get my supply from?”

Customer: *looks shocked, and then storms out of the store*

Next customer in line: “Can I get a Hawaiian pizza on the thin base with extra drugs, please?”

Future Treasury Secretaries Of America

| Snellville, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money

(I am a customer at a sporting goods store. As I am walking towards the restroom, I hear a little boy asking his mom to buy him something.)

Boy: “Mommy, I want this!”

Mom: “No, honey, we’re not going to buy that. Let’s go.”

Boy: “But why?”

Mom: “We’re not going to buy it because it is a waste of money!”

Boy: “But we can just buy more money!”

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