When Humans Fail The Turing Test

, | Hertfordshire, England, UK | Right | August 9, 2013

(I work on the drive thru.)

Me: “Hi there, can I take your order?”

Customer: “HELLO?”

Me: “Hi, can I take your order please?”

Customer: “CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I can hear you. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I WANT TO PLACE AN ORDER.”

Me: “Umm, yeah, can I take your order please?”

Customer: “CAN I PLACE MY F****** ORDER?”

Me: “Sir, can you hear me? I’m asking for your order?”

Customer: “OF COURSE I CAN F****** HEAR YOU! I’M NOT DEAF! I JUST WANT A CHEESEBURGER! THAT’S ALL I WANT!”

Me: “Okay, sir, drive to the first window to pay.”

(The customer drives around, and looks furious. He pays by card.)

Customer: “It says ‘insert card’.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, does that mean now?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, please insert your card and follow the instructions.”

Customer: “Well now it’s saying ‘please wait’!”

Me: “Yes, the machine is just checking your card. Please wait.”

Customer: “‘Insert pin,’ does it mean the pin for this card, or my credit card?”

Me: “It means insert your pin for the card in the machine.”

(The customer finally pays and drives off, only to return moments later.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help?”

Customer: “HELLO?! HELLO ORDER-ROBOT! THIS CHEESEBURGER HAS PICKLES; I DON’T WANT PICKLES! AND I DIDN’T GET MY FRIES AND DRINK! ORDER-ROBOT, WHO DO I SPEAK TO?”

Me: “Sir, you can speak to me! I’m a person not a robot. We can correct your order for you, but you only got a cheeseburger because that’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “ORDER ROBOT, I WANT KETCHUP FOR MY FRIES! F****** machines are useless!”

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Poo Poo Your Oui Oui

| Canada | Right | August 9, 2013

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [restaurant]; will it just be the two of you dining today?”

Woman: *in a thick French accent* “Yes, two.”

(The female customer then turns to her male companion and begins speaking very angrily in French.)

Woman: “This is just terrible; no one here speaks French. This is discrimination; we should be able to get service in our own language.”

Me: *speaking French* “I apologize. I didn’t realize that the two of you spoke French. I’d be more than happy to help you today!”

Woman: *speaking English* “Ugh! Your French is just awful! Don’t even bother; I’m going to speak English. I don’t want to have to listen to your terrible accent for our entire meal.”

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Sunset Should Be Childs-Play

| UK | Right | August 9, 2013

(Every week during the summer, we have an evening where we open late with all sorts of activities, ending with a huge firework display. On these days the phone rings off the hook.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [park name].”

Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to check; is it today you have the fireworks?”

Me: “Yep, that’s today! There are loads going on around the park all afternoon and evening.”

Customer: “That’s great! What time are the fireworks?”

Me: “We’re aiming to set them off around nine o’clock.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why does everyone have fireworks so late?! I have young children! They’ll be in bed by then! You’re a children’s park; you should have them at about five so my children can see them!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not dark until about nine.”

Customer: “So?!”

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Please Dial Down The Dumb

| TN, USA | Right | August 9, 2013

(I work customer service for a cell phone company.)

Me: “How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, my friend bought me a tablet, but I keep getting this bill. Why?”

Me: “I see that you’re using the Samsung Galaxy, right?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “That’s okay; what you actually have is a smart phone. It’s like a touch screen computer you can make calls on, but it is a cell phone and comes with a monthly bill.”

Customer: “You can’t make calls on this; it’s a computer! Stop billing me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but do you see the green icon that looks like a phone on your screen? Tap that. What do you see?”

Customer: “A keypad.”

Me: “That’s how you make phone calls; you just dial the number.”

Customer: “This proves nothing! I know a computer when I see one! This is a tablet, and I’m not paying anything!”

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No Manners In Line Is Out Of Line, Part 2

| ON, Canada | Right | August 9, 2013

(I am nine years old, and my family has moved to a new area that has a corner store two blocks from my new house. Our town is a bit of a tourist trap, and late one afternoon, I am waiting in line to pay for the items mum needs. A tourist, dressed in costly, dressy clothes rushes through the doors and shoves in front of me.)

Me: “Hey! The line ends back there. It’s rude to cut in!”

Tourist: “Shut up!”

(The tourist then addresses the cashier, a lady who knows me well enough to know that for a kid as shy as I am, trying to stand up for myself is a big thing.)

Tourist: “I need two packs of [cigarette brand], and directions to [ritziest local hotel].”

(The cashier looks at the tourist, silently, saying nothing at all for a long pause.)

Tourist: “Are you deaf or stupid? I want two packs of [cigarette brand] and directions to [hotel]!”

Cashier: “I was just giving you the chance to prove you have any manners at all. Looks like you don’t. This girl was next, and you pushed in. That’s rude.”

Tourist: “I don’t have time for—”

Cashier: “—and I don’t have time to deal with self-obsessed jerks. Get out.”

Tourist: “No, listen! I want two packs of—”

Cashier: “You aren’t getting anything. You have 30 seconds to get out of here before I call the cops.”

Tourist: “Are you serious? You can’t be f****** serious! I want two packs of—”

Cashier: “Get out!”

(The cashier reaches behind her, and grabs the phone from the counter. She starts dialing.)

Tourist: “Oh f*** it! I don’t want to buy anything in this stupid hick town anyway.”

(The tourist flounces towards the door. I speak loudly before she gets to the door.)

Me: “Isn’t it funny how we hicks actually know what good manners are for?”

(The woman turns red and storms out of the store.)

Related:
No Manners In Line Is Out Of Line

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