Can’t Pin Him Down To A Number

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Right | August 7, 2013

(I work overnight at a prepaid phone call center. A customer calls in every night to change his pin, because he is paranoid. He is always abusive. His constant pin changes finally catch up with him.)

Me: “Thank you for calling; my name is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to change the PIN on my account.”

Me: “Absolutely, we just need your current PIN, please.”

Customer: *gives wrong PIN*

Me: “I’m sorry; that’s incorrect. I’ll need the PIN to access the account.”

Customer: “Listen, I need to change my PIN because I don’t know it. I don’t remember what I used last. I want it to be 123456. Please change it now.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we can’t change the PIN without verifying that this is your account. It would defeat the purpose.”

Customer: “I’m going to find out where you are and I’m gonna come down there and cut your head off. Then I’m gonna burn the building down and kill all of your friends, and then you’re gonna go home and cry into your pillow because you’re so lonely. What do you think about that?”

Me: “Well, I think if you cut my head off, I won’t get much crying done. I’m sorry that you don’t know your PIN. Unfortunately, I am done trying to help you. I’ve marked your account abusive, and you’ll need to hold for a supervisor.”

(The customer hangs up. His account is forever marked as immediate transfer to a supervisor, and he switches carriers. Those poor people.)

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Putting The Dire Into Directions, Part 2

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | August 7, 2013

(I’m boarding passengers at a stop.)

Passenger: “Excuse me, do you go to [street]?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m going in the other direction.”

Passenger: “Ugh! I was told that bus [number] goes to [street], but you’re the third one I’ve asked, and they all say they’re going in the opposite direction!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, because all of the traffic on this side of the street goes in that direction. You need to board on the other side of the street to catch buses going in that direction.”

Passenger: “But you’re bus [number]! You should be going that direction!”

Me: “The bus routes go both directions, ma’am. You need bus [number] eastbound, on the other side of the street. Actually, I can see it just a few blocks down right now. If you just cross here to that stop right across the street, you can catch it in just a moment.”

Passenger: “Oh, no, no, I don’t want to go all the way to the other side. I guess I’ll just have to keep on waiting. But if the right bus doesn’t come soon, I’m going to be very annoyed!”

Related:
Putting The Dire Into Directions

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Bad Jokes Make A Good Customer

| KY, USA | Right | August 7, 2013

Me: “Keep in mind, sir, these items are a three day return!”

Customer: “Well I don’t think I will wait three days in line just to return some shirts.”

Me: “Haha, very clever, sir. However do not worry; I wouldn’t make you wait three days. But if they don’t fit right when you get home, bring them back to me within three days so we can get you a refund.”

Customer: “And you know what? I was eating at a fast food joint the other day. I noticed on the door in the bathroom it said that employees must wash hands. So I stood there and stood there, and no employee ever came in to wash my hands. I really didn’t think it was good service.”

Me: “Thank you, sir; that made my day.”

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A Gem Of A Customer

| Worcestershire, England, UK | Right | August 7, 2013

(A lovely, regular customer has called up after we have sent her the wrong thing. She has always been very friendly and polite and this is no exception.)

Customer: “Have you got what I was supposed to have in stock?”

Me: “We have some of the items. I’d be happy to send them to you for free.”

Customer: “Okay, well I’ll send this stuff back.”

Me: “Don’t worry about it, keep it. I know you can use it all, so just keep it.”

Customer: “Then you have to charge me for these beads!”

Me: “No, I will not.”

Customer: “Charge me for them!”

Me: “No, no, no, no, no, no.”

Customer: “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.”

Me: “No! You will have free gemstones if you like it or not!”

Customer: “Not if you’re not going to charge me!”

Me: “Too late! I’ve added them onto your order!”

Customer: “Well, if you insist!”

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Rangers Triumph Again

| NJ, USA | Right | August 7, 2013

(I’m a girl looking around the movie section of a popular superstore. A male customer happens to be walking next to me through the aisle. I am wearing a Power Rangers/Pokémon crossover t-shirt. Traditionally, the red Power Ranger is the male team leader, while the pink is the ‘girly girl’ or stereotypical ‘chick’.)

Customer: “Power Rangers, huh?”

Me: “Huh? Oh, yeah.”

Customer: “Why red, though?”

Me: “Just liked the Charizard, I guess.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t have wanted Red though. You should’ve gotten Pink!”

Me: “…why? Because I’m a girl?”

Customer: “Yeah! No girl would ever be the Red Ranger!”

Me: “Actually there have been at least two female Red Rangers. The A-Squad team in ‘SPD’ had a female Red, as did the ‘Samurai’ season.”

Customer: “Those seasons didn’t exist!”

Me: “…yes, they did.”

Customer: “How would you know? You’re a girl!”

Me: “Yes, as you’ve been telling me. Would you also like to comment on the ‘Mass Effect’ games I have in the car, or—” *I hold up my right hand* “—or perhaps on my Superman ring, too, since apparently I can’t be a female geek?”

(The customer stares at me for a minute before mumbling an apology, and slinking away.)

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