Watered Down Purchase

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | September 10, 2013

Coworker: “Here they come.”

Me: “Who?”

Coworker: “The ‘Drink Ladies From Hell.'”

(Five women and their five-year-old daughters enter. The kids are wearing ballet outfits, and clearly have just come from dance lessons.)

Woman: “Five waters, to go, please.”

(We fill up five Styrofoam cups of water, at no charge. The women plant themselves at a table and talk for about an hour. The kids run wild through the restaurant, pulling napkins from other tables, spilling salt and pepper, and just generally making a mess. They do this every week for more than a year. To my knowledge, they have never spent any money with us.)

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Chip Quip

, | NM, USA | Right | September 10, 2013

(I’ve recently moved to the USA from England, and have got myself a job in a fast food place. I keep saying chips instead of fries, which causes confusion.)

Me: *to coworker* “Can I get two medium chips to go please?”

Customer: “No, I wanted fries.”

Me: “Oh yeah, my bad. I’m still not used to talking American.”

Customer: “So where you from? Mexico?”

(I have tanned skin, so this is a common question.)

Me: “No mate, I’m British.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. So you’re not used to speaking English?”

Me: “What? Us Brits speak English too; we invented the language.”

Customer: “Oh sweetie, don’t worry! You’ll learn real English in America.”

Me: “Okay.” *I decide to throw in a British colloquialism* “Here’s your order. Have a pukka day!”

Customer: “See, I knew you British didn’t speak English.”

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A-Salted By The Flavor

| Hyannis, MA, USA | Right | September 10, 2013

(I own a small cookie bakery on a busy main street on Cape Cod. A customer and his wife have purchased a cookie and some coffee and sat outside to enjoy it. I am having a conversation with my son, when the customer walks back in after they’ve finished.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Just a little constructive criticism.”

Me: “Okay. Sure!”

Customer: “The cookie we had was too salty.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Which cookie did you purchase?”

Customer: “The lace cookie.”

Me: “You mean the one topped with sea salt?”

Customer: “I’m not sure why it tasted so salty!”

My Son: “But it’s… it’s topped with sea salt.”

Customer: “You know, you REALLY need to be careful about stuff like that when there are people like us who are watching our salt intake!”

Me: “Well then, sir, I’m not certain you made the best decision. Out of our 14 or so varieties, you chose to purchase a salted cookie.”

Customer: “But it was—” *reads description* “—OH! I see. Um, okay, have a great day!”

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Karkat, Thor, And Loki Walk Into A Bar…

| Right | September 10, 2013

Tourists & Travelers Themed Giveaway Roundup

Not Always Right | Right | September 10, 2013

Tourists & Travelers Themed Giveaway Roundup! Here’s a final roundup of stories from last month’s themed giveaway!

  1. Canada: America’s Hat, Part 7 (1,245 thumbs up)
  2. Yukon Freeze It, Part 3 (1,115 thumbs up)
  3. No Vocation For Location, Part 7 (1,029 thumbs up)
  4. Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 3 (843 thumbs up)
  5. Dumb By Any Metric, Part 2 (1,150 thumbs up)
  6. Ye Olde Fool (1,498 thumbs up)
  7. Waiting For That Light Bulb Moment That Never Comes (1,174 thumbs up)
  8. No ID, No Idea, Part 12 (1,000 thumbs up)
  9. A Large Intelligence Gulf (Of Mexico) (1,170 thumbs up)
  10. Loonie Over A Toonie, Part 3 (802 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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