Punch, Drunk, And Love

| USA | Right | August 14, 2013

(I’m sitting at a bar when a drunk man approaches a regular female customer, who has been quietly chatting with the also-female bartender.)

Drunk Customer: “Hey, honey, let me buy you a drink.”

Female Regular: *not even turning around* “No thanks. Already have one, and just so you know, I’m married.”

Drunk Customer: “S***, b****, I’m just offering a beer.”

Female Regular: “And I’m politely declining. Please leave me alone.”

Drunk Customer: “I bet I could f****** beat the s*** out of your man!”

Female Regular: *smiling slightly* “Most likely.”

(The male customer sitting next to her, who has been quietly eating his food, and seemingly not involved in the situation at all, laughs.)

Male Customer: “Gee, thanks, babe.”

(The drunk man scoffs at the male customer, who is at least five inches shorter and, while fit, not remotely as muscular as the drunk.)

Drunk Customer: “You’re this b****’s man?”

Male Customer: “I’m this woman’s husband, yes.”

Drunk Customer: “S***, I could pummel you in seconds! She should ditch your sorry a**, and I’ll show her what a real man is like!”

Male Customer: “You could probably beat me up, but that’s not the problem. My wife asked you to leave. Please do so before you get hurt.”

Drunk Customer: “F*** you, what are you gonna do about it?!”

(The drunk customer grabs the male customer’s shoulder, and tries to punch him. Before he can, the female regular turns on her bar stool, twists the drunk’s hand away, and punches him so hard in the face that he drops to the floor.)

Male Customer: “I didn’t say I’d hurt you.”

(The drunk stumbles to his feet, furious and bleeding from his nose.)

Drunk Customer: “F*** you both!” *to the bartender* “This b**** punched me! Throw her out!”

Bartender: *laughs* “H*** no!”

Drunk Customer: “B****! I AM THE OWNER’S BROTHER! I WANT THIS W**** AND HER HUSBAND TOSSED!”

Bartender: *to the female regular* “Huh, I didn’t know we had a brother.”

Drunk Customer: “…huh?”

Bartender: “I own this bar, and the woman you were treating oh-so-kindly is my little sister. And she had every right to deck you for being a d***.”

Drunk Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU F****** GINGER IRISH W****! TRYING TO RUIN ME! NO MAN WILL EVER WANT TO F*** YOU, YOU B****!”

Bartender: “You don’t need to listen to us anymore. Get out of my bar; you’re banned for life.”

(The drunk man continues to scream obscenities at her, her sister, and her brother-in-law, until he had to be dragged out by the bouncer—the bartender’s husband.)

1 Thumbs
3,068
VOTES

Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 5

| ON, Canada | Right | August 13, 2013

(I’m 18, and have been hospitalized for a severe case of mono. As a result of the illness, my throat is badly swollen and I can hardly speak. I’m on lots of painkillers. I’m sharing a room with a boy who swallowed a rock. The boy has been screaming since his mother left and his father can’t quiet him down.)

Nurse: “Okay, [My Name], I’m just going to check your vitals.”

Me: *whispering* “How much longer until I can have more pain medication?”

Nurse: “Not for a while, sweetie.”

(The nurse leaves. The boy’s father has been watching us the whole time.)

Boy’s Father: “Listen, you little b****! Don’t you f****** gossip about me to the f****** nurses! You keep your f****** mouth shut, or I’ll shut it for you!”

(I’m stunned, as I haven’t said a word to or about him. As I can’t move and can barely speak, I’m in tears and terrified. Not long after, my mom comes in to visit.)

Mom: “Hey, [My Name]. How are you doing?”

Me: *crying and whispering* “Mom, the dad of that boy screamed at me. He said to shut up, or he’d shut me up.”

(My mom is silent, but clearly fuming. She leaves for a moment.)

Boy’s Father: “WHAT DID I SAY?!”

(Just then, my mom comes back with security in tow.)

Mom: “Escort him from hospital grounds NOW.”

Boy’s Father: “B****! You can’t tell me what to do! You aren’t the boss here! I’m twenty-f******-five!”

Mom: “Actually, I AM the boss here! It’s my day off, but I’m head nurse on this floor, and if you EVER speak to my daughter ever again, I will have you arrested so fast that you won’t ever hear the sirens! And by the way, I’m forty-freaking-eight and I have the good sense not to let my kids eat rocks!”

(The man was removed from hospital grounds and was banned from re-entering for 48 hours unless it was an emergency. I have the best mom in the world.)

Related:
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 4
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 3
Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 2

1 Thumbs
3,807
VOTES

Weighted Opinions

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Right | August 13, 2013

(I am an early 20s, able-bodied male, with a fair bit of muscle, and I also happen to be the only employee in the store who fits such a description.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Good, thank you. Can I get a 55-inch [brand] TV, please?”

Me: “Why, certainly.”

(I make a phone call to the back stockroom to request the customer’s TV. While I am processing the sale, the person bringing the rather large & heavy item is one of my young female coworkers.)

Coworker: “Here’s your TV, ma’am! If you’re done shopping today, I will be glad to take this to your car!”

Customer: *to me* “Shame on you, young man. Shame on you!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t quite follow.”

Customer: “How dare you make such a fragile young girl bring out something so big! She could’ve seriously injured herself! You should be ashamed!”

Me: “Believe me, ma’am: I would prefer to have done this job myself, but I have no control over my position. They put me on cash because I happened to be a little better at it, and my coworker here does this all the time.”

Customer: “This is not right! This is not right at all! A tall, bulky man like you should do the heavy lifting! Not this poor skin and bones over here!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m seriously okay with this. When women fought for equal rights long ago, they knew that this was going to happen. And I’m glad it did.”

Customer: “But girls sh—”

Coworker: “Girl power! That’s what it is!”

Customer: “Alright fine, just load the d*** TV into the truck already.”

(My coworker helps the customer with her TV. A few weeks later, the same customer is at my till once again, this time, to buy a couch.)

Customer: “Alright, I know that a couple of weeks ago, that nice, young girl proved more than capable of doing this. But I still feel really bad for her, so can you get somebody else to help me?”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am, she isn’t even in today.”

(This time, I call my manager to bring out the couch.)

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, where are you parked?”

(The customer takes a good look at my manager. Although my manager is a man, he very much looks like he is approaching his 70s.)

Customer: “This whole store is backwards!” *stomps out*

Manager: “What the h*** was her problem?”

Me: “Equal opportunity employment, apparently.”

1 Thumbs
2,303
VOTES

Not The Brightest Of The Bunch

| NSW, Australia | Right | August 13, 2013

(I am standing at the front counter next to the bowl of bananas we have for making smoothies. A customer in his mid-20s approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Hey, do you sell any bananas?”

Me: “Yes, we do have bananas. However, we cannot sell them to you as we need them for our smoothies.”

Customer: “Great! How much for one?”

Me: “They’re not for sale; we need them. There is a shopping center close by. If you go there, they can sell you bananas, and cheaply too.”

Customer: “Okay… then how much for a banana smoothie?”

Me: “That will be $4.99 for a small, and $5.99 for a large.”

Customer: “Okay… can I get a banana smoothie, but can you not ‘smoothie’ it?”

1 Thumbs
1,481
VOTES

The New Boeing Tardis

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | August 13, 2013

(I have to catch a flight leaving at about 6 am. I show up at the self-check-in counters at 5 am, only to discover that my ticket won’t register.)

Airline Rep: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Me: “Uh, I think so. I’ve swiped my passport, punched in my ticket number, put in my name, and it’s not registering.”

(The airline rep takes my information and tries it herself; the machine still doesn’t register. She looks at my itinerary.)

Airline Rep: “Well, ma’am, I think your main problem is that your flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”

1 Thumbs
2,267
VOTES
Page 1,882/3,770First...1,8801,8811,8821,8831,884...Last