Perhaps It’s The Space Between Their Ears

| Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer rushes in flustered.)

Me: “Can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I need something, but I’m not sure what.”

Me: “Uh, okay. Is it an appliance, like a kettle or toaster, or are you after a TV or vacuum cleaner?”

Customer: *getting agitated* “No! I need something, you know to clean between my floor and ceiling!”

Me: confused “So…to clean the room?”

Customer: “You people are all the same, trying to sell me something every time I’m in here!” *storms out*

Placebo Me, Part 3

| Colorado, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in the footwear department at a sports store.)

Customer: “I would like to return these hiking boots.”

Me: “These boots look like they have been worn outdoors. I need a manager to approve this return.”

Manager: “Why are you returning these boots? Was there something wrong with them?”

Customer: “Yes, they kept tripping me…”

(The customer and her husband argue for about 5 minutes before finally my manager gets fed up and gives in.)

Manager, to me: “Could you please help this lady find some hiking boots that won’t trip her?”

Me, to customer: “Do any of these hiking boots catch your eye?”

Customer: “Oh, these are cute.”

(I turn to see her holding up a pair of boots identical to the pair she had just returned.)

Related:
Placebo Me, Part 2
Placebo Me

Placebo Me, Part 2

| USA | At The Checkout

Customer: “I need a pack of blue [brand] 100’s please.”

(I go and get exactly the cigarettes that she requested.)

Me:“Here you go!”

Customer: “No, I need the blue ones!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are blue.” *points to the blue label*

Customer: “No, I want the shorts.”

(I return the 100’s for the kings, still blue.)

Customer: “No! I wanted the BLUE ONE-HUNDREDS! Are you color blind? Do you not know what you’re doing?!”

(I return the kings and return again with the exact same pack of blue 100’s that I gave her the first time.)

Customer: “That’s better. You might want to get your hearing checked.”

Related:Placebo Me

Silly Boy, Stamps Are For Muggles

| Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid

(A customer comes to my till with two boxes of envelopes.)

Me: “Do you need stamps for your envelopes?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Do you need stamps for your envelopes?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Do you need stamps?”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “For your envelopes?”

Customer: “What are stamps?”

Me: “Mailing stamps…for your envelopes.”

Customer: *stares*

Me: “To mail your envelopes.”

Customer: “Oh. No.”

Local And Lost

| Corpus Christi, TX, USA | Geography

(A customer has just moved from Hawaii to Oregon not too long ago, and needs a number to a different department who had different business hours.)

Me: “They are open 7 AM to 10 PM, your local time.”

Customer: “Okay.” *pause* “Does that mean my local time in Hawaii or my local time in Oregon?”

Me: “What state are you in?”

Customer: “Oregon.”

Me: “Okay, then that means your local time is Oregon time.”

Customer: *pause* “But I used to live in Hawaii. Shouldn’t that be my local time?”

Me: “Um, but you live in Oregon now, which makes that your local time. You’re not in Hawaii anymore.”

Customer: *unconvinced* “Okay, bye.”

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