Has No Train Of Thought

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work near a property of the Royal Family’s, which is open to the public unless a member of the Royal Family is in residence. Today, this happens to be the case, due to a homecoming procession for a returning regiment. Most tourists hoping to visit have been quite accepting of this, but one American tourist is not.)

Tourist: “Why can’t I get into the castle?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, the Palace is closed to the public today because Princess Anne is in residence for the homecoming procession. It’ll be open tomorrow.”

Tourist: “I’m not here tomorrow! I’m only here today! Why didn’t they hold it tomorrow, so I could go today?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but in fairness they can’t have been aware of your travel plans.”

Tourist: “Bull-s***! I booked all of my train and plane tickets online!”

Me: “Good for you, sir, but I don’t understand.”

Tourist: “On the internet! They should have checked whether or not people are only going to be here for one day! It’s on the internet, so they can check, obviously! Are you an idiot? Stupid little girls that don’t even speak real English!”

(A soldier walking past the shop looks in, and hears the tourist ranting.)

Soldier: “Sir, do you have a problem with the British military or royalty?”

(The soldier is wearing a large knife on his belt, and carrying a rifle. The angry tourist quickly leaves.)

Pay Attention

| AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

(One of our registers has been closed all day, with plenty of signs to say so. A customer runs up to me with a heavy accent.)

Customer: “Pay! I need to pay!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this register is currently closed. The nearest open registers are—”

Customer: *holds out a sweater to me* “Pay?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this register is closed. The nearest open register is just down that way.”

Customer: “No, no, I need to PAY!”

Me: “Ma’am, this register is closed. Closed.” *I speak slowly* “I cannot work the register for you. They are locked. Only a manager can—”

(The customer starts writhing around in a strange manner, with her sweater held over her stomach and her legs bowed together.)

Customer: “Oh, I need to pay! So bad!”

(One of my coworkers has a brainwave and comes up to the customer.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, do you need a restroom? A bathroom?”

Customer: *looks at my coworker cheerfully* “I can pay?”

Coworker: “You need to… pee? A bathroom?”

Customer: “Pay!”

(The customer begins energetically following my coworker.)

Coworker: “The bathrooms are just down this way; if you follow this aisle, turn left up here and—”

Customer: “No! I need to PAY!”

(The customer runs off, completely ignoring my coworker’s directions. We still aren’t entirely sure what she was asking for!)

Customer Gets Carded Anyway

| Manchester, England, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I am working the drive-thru, and the card machine has just gone down. There are a number of cars already waiting in line, so I go outside to put signs up and tell them about the problem.)

Me: “Hello, madam, I am very sorry, but we are having problems with our card machine. If you need to pay by card, you will need to go inside the restaurant.”

Customer: “Well why the f*** didn’t you tell me before?”

Me: “I am very sorry but this problem has only just occurred.”

Customer: “You stupid b****, I asked why didn’t you tell me before I queued up!”

Me: “I walked out here as soon as we had the problem, and again, I am sorry for the inconvenience.”

(The customer starts screaming at me, so I walk behind her car to go and tell the next customer.)

Customer: “Don’t walk away from me b****. I was talking to you! Are you stupid?”

(The customer then reverses her car into me hard, knocking me to the floor.)

Customer: “You damaged my car you little s***! I am phoning the police!”

(Someone comes out to help me, and calls an ambulance. Both the ambulance and police arrive, and surprise, surprise, it isn’t me that is arrested!)