Beauty Is Only Emotion Deep

| Westminster, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s my first day at work and I’m bagging for a coworker. An elderly man comes up to the register and blatantly stares at me.)

Customer: “You’re beautiful.”

Me: “Well, thank you!”

Customer: “But you have a mean look on your face.”

(I have no idea what he’s talking about. I’ve been doing nothing but smiling the entire time.)

Me: “I’m, sorry?”

Customer: “It’s okay. You have a beautiful face and a beautiful soul…and a beautiful aura. A very, very beautiful aura.”

Me: “Er, thank you?”

Customer: “But you just look so mean! Why can’t you look happy, beautiful?”

(This goes on for another few minutes before my coworker steps in to save me. I can’t wait to work tomorrow.)

A Welsh Of Knowledge

| Wales, UK | Uncategorized

(I work in a call center that only calls the local area.)

Me: “Hello, sir, I’m just calling about–”

Customer: “What country are you calling from?”

Me: “Me? Wales, sir.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that. All of you people are based in India or something.”

Me: “I assure you, we’re not, sir. I’m not Indian; I’m based in Wales.”

Customer: “Sure you are! You companies are all the same.” *in Welsh* “I bet we don’t even speak the same language.”

Me: *in Welsh* “Sir, I’m not Indian. I’m in an office probably no more than ten minutes from you right now.”

Customer: “You know, for an Indian, you have excellent pronunciation.”

Attack Of The Heart(less)

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Health & Body, Top

(A customer has just had a heart attack, and our staff is giving her CPR. Another customer approaches.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but could you move? I need the ink behind you guys.”

Me: “Sir, this lady is suffering a medical illness. I’m sorry for your inconvenience, but you will have to wait.”

Customer: “How dare you treat your customers like this?! I’ll never shop here again!”

Manager: *fed up* “[Competitor] is across the parking lot. Have a nice day.”

Does Mother Nature Have A Permit

, | Harpers Ferry, WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(We are whitewater rafting in West Virginia. While floating between rapids, a girl in her mid-20s from a large city in Virginia, randomly starts asking me questions.)

Customer: “Man! There are a lot of trees here. Why are there so many trees? Can’t you take some of them out?”

Me: “Um, okay. Why do we need to take the trees out?”

Customer: “Well, I thought trees had to be at least 20 feet apart!”

(It’s obvious she’s a city girl, so I decide to have a little fun.)

Me: “Oh, well let me explain. You see, over in Virginia, they plowed down the forest, built your parking lot, and then planted a couple trees to try and make it look pretty. Here in West Virginia, the trees naturally grew this way and we decided to leave them because we like oxygen.”

Customer: “Oh…well, trees are ugly.”

I’m Having My iPeriod

, | New Zealand | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi there, darling. Uh, I was wondering, do you have any pads?”

Me: “Do you mean iPads?”

Customer: “Yeah pads, iPads, whatever. Can you show me where they are?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. Are you interested in the iPad or the iPad 2?”

Customer: “Wait…so, like, you use the iPad at day and the iPad 2 at night?”

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