Through Ickiness And In Health

| East Lansing, MI, USA | Family & Kids

(I answer a lot of calls from parents concerned about the living arrangements in our dorm rooms.)

Parent: “So, what’s the deal with co-ed floors?”

Me: “Well, most of our floors are co-ed by wing, but a few are co-ed by suite, where one suite is all boys, and next door is all girls. Your student will never have to share a room or bathroom with the opposite gender.”

Parent: “Why would anyone want to do that?”

Me: “Well, some people find that living with the opposite gender is fun.”

Parent: “Yeah, but I mean, boys are icky!”

Me: *speechless*

Parent: “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve lived with my husband for 20 years, but…eww!”

Water You, Stupid, Part 3

| Greenburg, NY, USA | Extra Stupid

(Every year, there is one day in July where the pool lets everyone in, even if they don’t have a membership. I’m lifeguarding at the diving boards.)

Woman: “Excuse me, lifeguard. How deep is this pool?”

Me: “The diving tank is 13 and a half feet deep.”

(She looks at the water for a few seconds.)

Woman: “So, how does it work? Do you jump in and then, when you’re at the bottom, you just float back up?”

Me: “Um, no, you have to swim.”

Woman: “Oh, then this isn’t for me.”

(She walks away and tells her family the news. They leave disappointed.)

Related:
Water You, Stupid, Part 2
Water You, Stupid

It’s Nice To Be Relatively Infestation-Free

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am talking with a customer that is also my neighbor. I am ringing in about the ants that have been getting into our houses.)

Customer: “Those darn ants are everywhere this time of year!”

Me: “Yeah, we’ve had a lot of trouble keeping them out these days. I don’t know what to try next!”

Next customer: “You know what works? Ant-Be-Gone. I used it once, and my wife’s Aunt hasn’t come around for years!”

Crazies Of Different Stripes

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I perform technical service on analytical instruments for labs. I am in a lab fixing an instrument that has had a lot of issues.)

Lab tech: “Just pray over it. That will make it better. Just pray.”

Me: “I wish it were that easy! We’re almost there though.”

Lab tech: “You pray over it, I will go to hell. I have to go to hell to fight the zebras!”

Taste The Rainbow

| Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Uncategorized

(Quality Street is a brand of chocolates here in the UK. They have launched a range of large size versions of their sweets, such as The Big Green Triangle and The Big Purple One.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you guys have big, purple ones?”

(My colleague and I, despite our best efforts, burst into giggles.)

Customer: “What’s so funn…oh!”

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