The Cow Goes Moy

| Singapore | Food & Drink

(I work at a popular soy milk shop that sells all soy products only.)

Customer: “What kind of ice cream is this?”

Me: “It’s vanilla ice cream, but we used soy milk instead of milk.”

Customer: “Oh, um, how about this smoothie?”

Me: “It’s a soy milk shake.”

Customer: “And this?”

Me: “It’s hot soy milk with glass jelly.”

Customer: “Why do you have so much soy?”

Me: “Ma’am, we specialize in soy products.”

Customer: “Oh! So you have like, a soy cow, then?”

Who’s Dating Who

| California, USA | Food & Drink

(I work as a server in a popular restaurant. This happens on the toughest day of the restaurant year: Valentine’s Day. A couple in their 20s has just been served their meal.)

Me: “How are you both doing this evening? Can I bring you anything else?”

Customer: “We aren’t doing very well at all! You aren’t doing nearly as much as you can to make my lady feel special!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was trying to make you both feel special this evening. I thought you might want to be the one to make your lady feel extra special.”

Customer: “It’s not my job to make her feel special. It’s your job!”

Customer’s date: *looks like she wants to die of embarrassment*

Like Her Hearing, Her Cents Comes And Goes

| Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Money

Customer: “Hey, I believe I was charged the wrong price for this item. Could you refund it to me?”

Me: “Oh, of course, ma’am. Let me just see the receipt and I’d be happy to.”

Customer: “Here it is.”

(The customer hands me a receipt that is over three feet long and totals over $300.)

Me: “All right, which did you believe you were over-charged on?”

Customer: *points out three items*

Me: “Ma’am, it seems that you were charged an extra two cents for these two items here. Do you really want me to refund you the two pennies?”

Customer: “YES! And to be sure I want you to return and re-ring my purchase to make sure.”

Me: “Okay.”

(20 minutes later, after re-ringing her entire purchase, I let her know that she’ll be getting two pennies back.)

Customer: “What?! Why did you even do that if it was only two cents?! How stupid can you be?”

Me: “Um, ma’am, I informed you that you’d only get the two pennies back before I did the transaction.”

Customer: “No you didn’t! I can’t believe the incompetence of the people working here!”

(She takes her bag and walks out of the store, yelling obscenities the whole way.)

Warning: Reacts Poorly To Chemistry

, | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “And a cheeseburger with—” *mumbling*

Me: “I’m sorry, but with what?”

Customer: “No salt. S, A, L, T.”

Me: “Oh, salt, like sodium chloride…NaCl. Sure.”

Customer: “What!?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I’m a chemistry nerd.”

Customer: “What’s NaCl?”

Me: “Sodium chloride. The chemical name for table salt. I just left school so I am in that mindset.”

Customer: “You put chemicals in your burgers!?”

1 Part Bleach To 100 Parts Stupidity

| Avondale, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

Me: “How are you today? I’m told you needed help with fish?”

Customer: “Yeah, all my fish died after I cleaned my tank yesterday. My husband says that it may have had to do with me using bleach, but I told him he was wrong.”

Me: “Well, actually he is right. Bleach leaves residue on the glass. Even after rinsing it, that can kill the fish.”

Customer: “But I didn’t even rinse it.”

Me: “What did you do, then?”

Customer: “I just added it to the water. How could that kill them?”

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