Pot Calling The Kettle Everything

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | January 9, 2014

(I work in a South American restaurant that tends to get a lot of Asian customers. Since I’m fluent in Mandarin Chinese, Korean, Khmer [Cambodian], and Tagalog [Philippines], I’m often called on to serve customers who don’t speak English. A group of seven customers come in.)

Customer #1: *obviously struggling* “Can… I… has this?”

Me: *taking a guess* *Mandarin* “Would you be more comfortable in Mandarin?”

Customer #2: *Korean* “Stupid Mexicans. Can’t even tell the difference between a Korean and a Chinese man.”

Me: *Korean* “I apologize, ma’am. I guessed based on [Customer #1]’s accent and it seems I was wrong. Can I take your order now?”

Customer #3: *English* “No. I want to talk to your manager.”

(I go back to get the manager, who is Peruvian.)

Manager: “Can I help you?

Customer #3: “Yes. I want to complain about your Mexican waiter’s horribly racist demeanor.”

Manager: “How was he being racist? He’s usually very culturally sensitive.”

Customer #4: “You Mexicans are all the same, never bothering to think that maybe there are more types of Asians than just Chinese people.”

Manager: “First of all, your waiter is from Puerto Rico. I’m from Peru. So maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to complain about being unable to differentiate ethnicity.”

Customer #3: “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

(Sighing, my manager assigns a Chinese-American waiter to them. He can only speak English and ends up having to have customers 3 and 4 translate for the rest of their table in order to get their order. Amazingly, they never complained about the difficulty in ordering.)

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Slow To Register, Part 2

| OH, USA | Right | January 9, 2014

(We have a self checkout section. Sometimes one of the units won’t take money and will only accept cards. When it happens we put up a bright lime neon green sign stating that. A customer comes up to one of these units, then rips the sign off because it was blocking the slot to put his money in.)

Me: “Sir, the unit doesn’t take money.”

Customer: “Where does it say that?”

Me: “On the sign you just ripped down.”

Customer: “I didn’t read it.”

Me: “Clearly.”

(I have to take the cash and use the register at the podium because the customer has no other way of paying. I put the bright lime neon green sign back up and then put another over the main screen saying ‘Beep Boop Beep Beep Is Robot For “Does Not Take Cash.”’)

 

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Putting The Situation On To A Knife-Edge

, | Canada | Right | January 9, 2014

(I am a customer at a party store, picking up a Halloween costume. The store sells not only costumes, but also toys, props, things for pranks, etc. As I’m getting ready to leave, a gruff-looking customer enters and marches up to the counter.)

Customer: *pulls out a gun and aims it at the cashier* “Give me all the money or I’ll blow your f****** head off!”

(Frightened, the cashier starts doing as told, while the other customers are shocked and unmoving. I recognize the gun as not real, but sadly the cashier does not. The customer isn’t paying attention to me. I sneak over to a shelf, pick up a certain item, and quietly remove it from its packaging while he keeps yelling. Eventually, I sneak up behind him.)

Customer: “Hurry the f*** up! I don’t have all f****** d—”

(I suddenly shove the stage knife I have unpackaged against his throat from behind.)

Me: “Drop the gun or I swear to god I will slit your throat right here and now!”

(Shaking, the man slowly puts the gun on the counter. I grab it with my free hand, just in case. The cashier calls the police, and when they arrive, she explains what happened to them. They arrest the man.)

Me: “Hey. Before you take him away can I show him something?”

Officer: “I don’t see why not.”

(I hold up the fake knife, turn it, and plunge it into my stomach. The fake blade retracts into the handle and does nothing to me. I show him the knife again, and his eyes widen.)

Me: *in a singsong tone* “Plastic!”

(The customer was taken away looking both embarrassed and ticked off. The cashier let me keep the fake knife and gave me a discount on the costume I had come in to purchase. All in all, a good day!)

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This Diet Is Really Going Against The Grain

| MN, USA | Right | January 9, 2014

Customer: “Excuse me. You used to stock a drink in the cooler. It was tea. It had no carbs.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We probably don’t have any more. Sometimes they cycle out drinks that don’t sell very well.”

Customer: “It was tea. It had no carbs.”

Me: “I think I know the one you’re thinking of. If it’s not in there, then we’re out. We have some iced tea brewed up if you would like to try that.”

Customer: “How do I know that it doesn’t have carbs?”

Me: “I brewed it myself. I can promise you that there are no carbs.”

Customer: “I want the other tea! You know that soda in there has 33 carbs! You should really stock more options for customers who don’t want to have so many carbs.”

Me: “I’d be happy to give you some of our iced tea, or some water.”

Customer: “Ugh! I don’t want any of that. I want the old tea.”

Me: “Sorry! Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yes! I’ll have a large cookie.”

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Taxing Faxing, Part 11

| OK, USA | Right | January 8, 2014

(A customer calls into my place of employment asking a question about her laser printer.)

Customer: “Hello. I need to know what my fax number is.”

Me: “Fax numbers are issued by your phone company. You would need to contact them to find out the number.”

Customer: “What? You mean they don’t come through the air?”

Me: “No, ma’am. They do not come through the air.”

 

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