Subjective Job Satisfaction

| Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I’m a cashier ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Yep, it was fine.”

Me: *smiling* “That’s good.”

Customer: “You have a nice smile.”

Me: “Thanks!”

Customer: “You must be very happy.”

Me: “Usually.”

Customer: “I have a friend who is a stripper. You’re much happier than her.”

Me: *speechless* “Uh, thanks? You’re total is [total]. Have a nice day.”

Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 3

, | Omaha, NE, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(Our store regularly runs a promotion on the various vitamin brands for ‘BOGO’, buy 1, get 1 free. A customer comes up to the register with a bottle of a brand on the BOGO promotion. I am also an avid couponer and I regularly take in coupons for items we carry that I won’t use so that I can give them to customers.)

Me: “Sir, I see you’re buying a [brand] item. This week we currently have this whole line at Buy One, Get One Free. If you do get another one, I also have a coupon I can give you which is good for $2 off two items. So instead of getting one for $9.99 you can get 2 for eight bucks and change.”

Customer: *quite angrily* “What the h*** is wrong with you people? I just want my vitamins. Why are you always trying to push me to buy extra stuff and give you more money!?”

Me: “I’m…sir, I apologize. I probably wasn’t clear you’ll get twice as many vitamins and spend two dollars less—”

Customer: “Oh f*** this. You’re all scam artists!” *storms off without paying*

Me: *stares in disbelief*

Next Customer:“So…can I use that coupon?”

Related:
Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 2
Less Is More, More Or Less

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The Shape Of Things To ‘C’

| California, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(My manager & I are working one night. A very well dressed woman in her 50s walks in.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing tonight?”

Customer: “I’m doing fine.”

Me: “What are you looking for?”

Customer: “I’m looking for something for my husband. He needs something for…”

(She motions her right hand to make it into the shape of a ‘C’.)

Me: “He needs vitamin C?”

Customer: “No…something for…”

(She emphasizes the ‘C’ shape of her right hand.)

Me: “He needs some calcium??”

Customer: “No…you know what I mean?”

(She’s still making the ‘C’ with her right hand, but is now widening the shape.)

Me: “I don’t think I know what it is.”

(I ask for my manager who has been watching us. He immediately gets what she’s asking for.)

Manager: *points towards the male enhancements* “Ma’am, we have a wide variety of libido enhancers, but there isn’t anything to make him ‘wider’ or ‘girthier’.”

Customer: “Aww. Well, his libido’s fine. He just needs a little more to work with. Thank you for the help anyway!” *leaves*

Problem Exists Between Chair, Coffee, Radiator, Dishwasher, Dryer, And Keyboard

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “So, like, I poured coffee on my keyboard, then put it on my radiator to dry it out, then ran it through the dishwasher, then through the dryer, but now when I type it does funny things. Do you think the coffee could have ruined it?”

(I have to place customer on mute to laugh for almost a minute while he elaborates on his story.)

Me: “Yes, sir, it does sound like your keyboard has physical damage and will need to be replaced.”

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