(A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)
Customer: “Oh look honey, they have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”
(The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)
Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”
Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”
(The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)
Daughter: “QUICK MOMMY! GET YOUR TAMPONS!”
Customer: “I need to speak to the person in charge!”
Me: “I’m sorry, I’m the only one in the office right now. Is there anything I can help you with?”
Customer: “There’s no Jesus memorabilia in your display cases!”
Me: “Ma’am, this is a temple. Maybe you’re looking for the church across the street?”
Customer: “I know this is a temple you dumb b****! All temples need Jesus in them. Otherwise, how is this a house of worship?”
Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to calm down, there’s a preschool class next door. And Jews don’t believe in Jesus as being a–”
Customer: *yelling* “What?! What the f*** do you mean you don’t believe in Jesus our Lord? How long has this been going on?!”
Me: “I’d say a good thousand years prior to Jesus, ma’am.”
Me: “Thank you for contacting technical support. How can I help you?”
Customer: *whispering* “Can you shut my internet off for four hours?”
Me: “I could disable the port, but may I ask why?”
Customer: *whispering* “My son has been locked in his room since last night and he won’t come out or talk to me. He hasn’t eaten breakfast yet and it’s 3 pm.”
Me: “I suppose I could, however, you will need to call us to re-enable your connection.”
Customer: “Thank you! I don’t know what he’s doing in there on the computer. It’s been like this since we got your internet.”
Me: “Your connection has been disabled. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”
Customer: “No, thank you. I hope he comes out soon!”
(I work at a certain attraction where you run, jump and dance at the video capture station, then that video is put into a video game and the avatar is yourself. A little girl approaches.)
Me: “Hello sweetheart, have you played before?”
Me: “Well, basically you run jump and dance in here. Then, our computers put you into the video game!”
Girl: “But…how do we get out of the video game?”
Customer: "Are you guys open on Saturday?"
Me: "No ma’am, I’m sorry. We are open Monday through Friday 9am to 6pm."
Customer: "Well, could you get someone to come in? I’m in a hurry and this really can’t wait all weekend."
Me: "So you want us to come in on our day off so we can work on your order?"
Customer: "Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound like I’m being a jerk."
Off The Clock, Customer Block