Financially Bankrupt, Circumstantially Bereft, And Substantially Boneheaded

| South Carolina, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, School

(I work for the financial aid department at a local tech school. A student comes in and asks about his student loans.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Student: *dismayed response* “Yeah, I want to check my student loans request.”

Me: “Sure thing. Can I get a student ID number?”

Student: “I ain’t got one.”

Me: “Can I have your last and first name?”

Student: “Yeah.”

(There’s an awkward silence as he doesn’t say anything.)

Me: “Sir, may I get your last and first name?”

Student: *gives name*

(I search for the student, but can’t find him.)

Me: “Sir, are you a student here?”

Student: “I ain’t got time for this! I want my money!”

Me: “Sir, you have to be a student to get student loans.”

Student: *shocked* “Oh, s***, really?”

Time For A New Brain

, | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

Options: Good To Have, Not To Exercise

| London, UK | Food & Drink

(A customer runs up to the till looking rather angry.)

Customer: “Do you have any Pepsi?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Would you like a–”

Customer: “Do you have any Coca-Cola?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “I’ll have a water, then!”

Caution: Wet Weather May Be Wet

| Avondale, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work as a cashier at a well-known arts and crafts store. This particular day, it is raining very heavily, which is rare in Arizona.)

Customer: *walking over to myself and other cashier* “Excuse me, it is wet outside. I almost slipped.”

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am. Are you okay?”

Customer: “Yes, but you need to put a wet floor sign outside so people are aware that it is wet.”

Coworker: “It’s raining, ma’am. I think people know the ground will be wet.”

Customer: “No, they won’t! Because I didn’t!” *storms out the store*

Silence Is Holy

| Florida, USA | Religion

(I’m a volunteer usher at smaller church. This takes place before mass and there is a man praying in one of the pews. A woman is at the back of the church talking loudly in an outdoor voice.)

Me: “Ma’am, could you please keep your voice down or talk outside?”

Woman: “Why, I never! I am a member of this church! You have no right to speak to me this way!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you are being too loud. There are people trying to pray.”

Woman: “Who prays before church starts!?”

(The pastor, hearing our conversation, walks over.)

Pastor: “Good Catholics do. Now, please go outside.”

Woman: “And who do you think you are?”

Pastor: “The pastor.”

Woman: *leaves in a huff*

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