Dial Down The Crazy

| USA | Right | August 16, 2013

(I work at a large call center for a major credit card company. About once a month, our managers sit with us and listen in on calls to help improve customer service.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [My Name]. May I have your name?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “…All right. Well, do you have your account number, so I can assist you today?”

Caller: “I don’t carry that with me.”

Me: “Well, then, how can I help today?”

Caller: “I don’t know. You called me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t call you.”

Caller: “Yes, you did. How else would I be talking to you?”

Me: “Ma’am, did you dial our number?”

Caller: “Well, yeah.”

Me: “So technically you called us.”

Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

Caller: “I guess you can’t.”

(The caller hangs up, and I look at my manager.)

Me: “Did that really happen?”

Manager: “I have no words.”

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Has No Propensity For History

| Gettysburg, PA, USA | Right | August 16, 2013

(I’m working behind the register counter that has glass display cases of knives, wallets, etc. Some are engraved with CSA—Confederate States of America, and USA—for the Union.)

Customer: *running up to the counter* “Oooh! Knives! Wait, what does ‘CSA’ mean?”

Me: “It stands for ‘Confederate States of America.’ Did you want to have a look?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to buy. But, the Confederate states are the North, right?!”

Me: “No, not at all… ”

Customer: “Oh, oh well. But you know what’s strange? All these battles happened in national parks!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I guess that just made it easier to hide behind the monuments!”

Me: “I have to get back to work; have a nice day.”

(I get back to folding and stocking while the customer walks out with the smuggest look on their face, like they just gave me a history lesson.)

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Tivo Side Effects

, , | UK | Right | August 16, 2013

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]; can I take your order please?”

(The customer asks for an item from the promotion that finished last week.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; that promotion has finished.”

Customer: “I want a [finished promotion item], like on the TV.”

Me: “We do not have that item anymore I’m afraid.”

(The customer once again demands the item, saying it slowly and separates the words like I don’t understand what he has asked for. Again, I tell him that the item is no longer on the menu, and he proceeds to ask me for it another three times.)

Me: “Sir, the burger you’re requesting is no longer available. We now have [new promotional item] instead. Would you like one of those?”

Customer: “No! Listen to me woman: I want a [ended promotion item]! If you can’t do your job, get someone who can on the line! Stupid f****** b****!”

(My manager has walked in to see what the hold up is. He is also wearing a headset, and has heard everything. He waves his hand at me to turn my microphone off, and he takes over.)

Manager: “Sir, the item you are requesting is no longer available; instead, we have [new promo item].”

Customer: “Why is this so hard to f*****g understand!? I want a [ended promo item]! I want it as a large meal with a chocolate milkshake!”

Manager: “That item is no longer available.”

Customer: “Then why are you still f****** advertising it on the TV!?”

Manager: “We’re not, sir.”

(The customer huffs loudly after shouting several curse words at my manager, speeding past the drive thru window with his middle finger up. I’m shaking from stress, and on the verge of tears. I don’t deal with immense pressure very well, so my manager lets me go on a break. I return to the window after my break. After a few cars, the same customer from before drives up again. Reluctant to deal with him, I call over my manager, who takes the microphone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [store name].”

(The customer looks very shaken on the camera.)

Customer: “Ey er… is that girl I was talking to still there?”

Manager: “Yes she is here next to me; why do you ask?”

Customer: “Can you put her on the microphone, please?”

(My manager looks at me, and I nod a little, activating my microphone.)

Me: “Yes, what would you like, sir?”

Customer: “Listen, I’m so sorry about earlier. It turns out I was watching a pre-recorded TV show. Can I have [order], and add a large meal on top for yourself and your boss; I’ll pay for it!”

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Grill The Sandwiches, Not The Staff

| Boise, ID, USA | Right | August 16, 2013

(My boyfriend and I are getting lunch from the deli. Standing next to me is a customer, ordering a sandwich from a different worker.)

Customer: “Do you speak English? How many times do I have to tell you? No cheese!”

Deli Worker: “Alright, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why is this taking so long? Hurry up!”

Deli Worker: “I’ll have your order done shortly.”

(The bread on the sandwich breaks, and the employee looks panicked.)

Deli Worker: “Would you like me to remake your sandwich?”

Customer: “Just put the d*** thing in a bag so I can go!”

Deli Worker: “Are you sure?”

(The customer turns to me.)

Customer: “Does anyone speak English in this place?!”

Me: “There is no reason to be so rude.”

Customer: “But he asked me if I wanted cheese! I wrote down ‘no cheese’ and he still asked me!”

Me: “So what? Ma’am, he is trying his best, and being patient with you. You need to calm down.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! What is wrong with you people?”

(I reach up to gather my order, which is now ready.)

Customer: “D*** it, look at me when I’m talking to you!”

Me: “No, thank you.”

(I give the employees a huge grin.)

Me: “Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day, guys!”

Customer: “Why doesn’t anyone speak English?!”

(Both deli workers give me an appreciative smile. The one that made my food runs over to the register and puts a sticker on my plate; my lunch is free!)

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Takes A Backbone To Stand Up For Yourself

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Right | August 15, 2013

(I am a 28-year-old female. I have just parked in a handicapped spot to go grocery shopping. I had surgery on my spine a month prior to this incident. I put my handicapped sticker up and exit my car when a random customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “You should be absolutely ASHAMED of yourself! It’s young people like you who have NO respect for anything! Who do you think you are? Parking in a handicapped spot! You aren’t even handicapped! I bet you stole that from someone, and you are just using it so you won’t have to park farther away!”

Me: “Well, actually ma’am, it’s my handicapped sticker. I—”

Customer: “Yours? You’re perfectly healthy! You shouldn’t lie to people! LIARS GO TO HELL! I can tell just by LOOKING at you that you’re perfectly fine! You’re just lazy.”

(I’m livid, but I try to keep my composure.)

Me: “Actually, it is my handicapped sticker. As I was trying to tell you before you rudely interrupted me and started throwing around assumptions, I have Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Sjogren’s Syndrome, and Degenerative Disk Disease. Furthermore, not all physical disabilities can be readily seen. This is the first time in a month that I’ve been well enough to get out of the house on my own since having my spinal fusion surgery last month. Next time, you should think before you speak, instead of just making random asinine assumptions about people you don’t know.”

(The customer looks like a deer in the headlights. She turns bright red, and continues to mumble as she walks away. I get my shopping done, and see her as I’m checking out. Surprisingly, she apologizes profusely, and offers to help me load my groceries into my car.)

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