Stop And Stair, Part 3

| Boone, NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

Customer: “What’s up there?” *pointing at the stairs*

Me: “Those stairs take you to the second floor and the breakfast area.”

Customer: “So, like, if we walk up those stairs, we’ll be on the second floor?”

Me: “Yes, that’s generally what happens when you go up stairs.”

Customer: “That’s so cool! They’ve got stairs and an elevator!”

Stop And Stair, Part 2
Stop And Stair

Monkey See, Monkey Please Don’t Do That Again

| Roswell, GA, USA | Movies & TV

(I am working box office when a father and his 13 year old son come up to my window. We are located in the same mall area as our competitors.)

Me: “Welcome to [theater], sir. How can I help you today?”

(The father gets a huge grin on his face. He begins to scratch his head and make monkey noises.)

Me: *speechless*

Father: “The monkey movie!”

Son: “Dad, it’s Planet of the Apes!”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, you want [competition] down the street. We don’t have that here.

Father: “You mean I have to do my routine again?”

Son: *embarrassed* “No, dad!”

Father: “But I practiced it all the way down here!”

Son: *rolls eyes*

Never Coming Backflow To This Place

| Minden, NV, USA | Movies & TV, Top

(I am cleaning the lobby in the theater when a female customer comes out of the restroom. She goes to use the drinking fountain. As with most businesses, the restrooms are located right next to the fountain.)

Customer: *aghast* “This is disgusting!”

Me: “Is there something wrong with the tap, ma’am? We do clean it often but I haven’t made it over there yet this round.”

Customer: “No, it is lovely. You do a fine job. It was just horrible!”

Me: “If there is nothing wrong, why was it horrible?”

Customer: “Because when I was drinking the water, I heard a toilet flush in the restroom and it made the water pressure go down!”

Me: “Well, yes. The plumbing is connected as they both draw from the–”

Customer: “That water that I was drinking? A minute later, if I hadn’t come along, it would have been used to flush someone’s waste? That is so disgusting! I can’t believe it!”

Me: “Well, would you rather the water pressure went up when you heard the flush?”

(The customer takes a step back and looks confused. Suddenly, the implication of my statement reaches her nearly hysterical mind and she flees the building with a look of horror on her face.)

Angst For The Camera

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: We mostly take high school senior portraits.)

Me: “Okay, we’re all set! Look right into the camera and give us a big smile!”

(The kid stares blankly for a few shots.)

Me: “Do you want to smile for maybe just the last one or two shots?”

Student: “I never smile. Any time I show emotion, I get hurt.”

Same Difference

| Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid

(We have an offer on in store: buy one backpack, get another backpack free. A customer comes to me to pay for one backpack and a pair of shoes.)

Me: “Sorry, but the promotion only works when you buy two backpacks. You will then get one of them free.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. So it’s just backpacks…just backpacks…just backpacks…backpacks.”

(The customer wanders off, presumably in search of another backpack. She eventually returns.)

Customer: “This, please.” *shows me a belt*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the belt isn’t in the deal.”

Customer: “But I’m buying a backpack…A BACKPACK! You said it was free with a backpack!”

Me: “I’m sorry. What I meant was that you can get a free backpack with your other backpack.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(The customer wanders off again, and once again returns with a new item.)

Customer: “I’ll just take these, then.” *shows me a pair of shoes*

Me: “Those aren’t in the deal either, I’m afraid. It’s only backpacks.”

Customer: “But it’s two of the same! You said they had to be the same!”

(After going back and forth for another 5 minutes, I finally take her to pick out a backpack, specifically. She pays and leaves, still mumbling about “two of the same”.)

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