Dumb By Any Metric

| Oklahoma, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Customer: “What’s the difference between these two water heater gas lines?”

Me: “One is two feet long, and one is four feet long.”

Customer: “But what is the difference? They’re priced differently.”

Me: “Um, one is 24 inches long, and one is 48 inches long.”

Customer: “I don’t understand! Why should I buy one over the other?”

Me: “Because one is only this long.” *holds arms two feet apart* “And one is this long.” *hold arms four feet apart*

Customer: “You don’t have to be so rude!” *storms away*

Your Logic Is Fishy

| Indiana, USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a farmer’s market. One customer is a Thursday regular who always buys single teabags.)

Customer: “I am looking for a good green tea.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I certainly have a large selection—”

Customer: *holding up a Sushi Bar Green Tea* “Oh my lord, this doesn’t have real sushi in it, does it?”

Me: “What? Oh! No. That just means it is like the green tea found at sushi bars.”

Customer: “Oh, good! For a minute there, I thought it was raw fish flavored!”

Stupid And/Or/With Wrong

| Tasmania, Australia | Food & Drink

Customer: “Can I have a champagne and lemonade?”

Me: “So, that’s a champagne with lemonade in it?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Yes, yes!”

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

Me: “Champagne and lemonade.”

Customer: *looks at me as if I’m crazy* “Ew, who would want that? I wanted a champagne AND a lemonade!”

Me: *sigh*

You’ve Got The Wrongest Number, Part 6

| Pennsylvania, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

Me: “We’re making magic here at Ch—”

Caller: “Sexy voice for a sexy lady, eh?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah, I wanted to ask about some of your ‘prizes’.”

Me: “Sure? What are you looking for?”

(He begins to read me a long list of sexual objects and attempts to talk dirty.)

Me: “Sir, this is highly inappropriate.”

Caller: “If you’re offended, why do you work at [name of adult store]?”

Me: “Because I don’t. I think you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Who am I talking to then?”

Me: “[Name] at Chuck E. Cheese.”

Caller: “Oh…oh my God! I AM SO SORRY!”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

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Size Matters, Part 9

| Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I work as a barista at my local coffee shop.)

Customer: “I’d like a coffee to go.”

Me: “Awesome, did you want the small size or the big one?”

Customer: “Small. I might be a big guy, but I have a small thing—” *catches himself* “I mean, I like small things—” *catches himself again*

Me: “It’s okay—”

Customer: “I mean…uh…small. I will take a small cup, fill it with coffee, and then leave so you and your coworker can laugh at me.”

Me: *smiles and contains laughter* “That’ll be $1.75.”

Related:
Size Matters, Part 8
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

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