Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3

| Canada | Canada

(I’m working the customer service line and have just finished explaining our services to a caller.)

Caller: “Well, that sounds great! You seem like a good, honest American business.”

Me: “Canadian, actually.”

Caller: “No such thing!”

Me: “I’m sorry, come again?”

Caller: “There’s no such thing as ‘Canadian’; you’re either American or one of those foreign people.”

Me: “Um, I’ll…put you through to sales then.”

Caller: “Thank you!”

Related:
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
Canada: America’s Hat

The Great State Of Ignorance

| Texas, USA | Tourists/Travel

(I am a cave tour guide. I’m talking about one of the cave’s rooms when a tourist raises her hand.)

Tourist: “Where are we right now?”

Me: “I believe we are north of where we came in, ma’am, but I can’t be sure because of all the twists and turns down here.”

Tourist: “No, no, I want to know where we are right now!”

Me: *confused as to what she wants* “Um, near the highway? We’re in [city]?”

Tourist: “No! What state are we in?”

(The entire group stares in amazement.)

Me: “We are in Texas, ma’am.”

Tourist: “Good. I thought we were in South Dakota or some s*** like that! Carry on.”

One You Suck And One Is Blow

| Texas, USA | Criminal & Illegal

(Our store sells tons of marijuana inspired products, but we are not a head shop. A man approaches the counter with one of our huge tower incense burners.)

Customer: “Yeah, I smoke a lot of weed.”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, will this be it for today?”

Customer: *ignoring my question* “Nah, I don’t smoke weed anymore. My job won’t let me!”

Me: “Those darn drug tests, huh?”

Customer: “Yeah. I switched to cocaine, because it goes out of your system in a couple days!”

Me: *speechless*

(The man continues to laugh about this and walks nonchalantly out of the store with his wife and children.)

There’s A Vacancy In Your Head

| Bristol, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

Customer: “Do you have any room?”

Me: “Nope, we’re sold out.”

Customer: “Is that what the ‘No Vacancy’ sign means?”

Me: “Why yes…yes it is.”

Sweet (Some) Home Alabama

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I am running my register and I overhear the manager talking to some customers nearby.)

Manager: “So, where are you from?”

Customer: “Well, originally, I’m from Alabama.”

Manager: “Oh, really? What part of Alabama?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know, I’m horrible with directions.” *turns to her husband* “Honey, what part of Alabama am I from?”

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