Doesn’t Seem To Get The Concept(ion)

| Denison, TX, USA | Right | January 15, 2014

(I do the marketing and advertising for an OB/GYN. I overhear an interesting exchange.)

Doctor: “You’re pregnant and you have an STD. You must have had some kind of sex to get pregnant.”

Patient: “Well, Mary didn’t!”

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Where There Are Smokers, There Is Fire

| IL, USA | Right | January 15, 2014

(I am the manager of a store that sells hookahs, among many other things. Since there are very strict laws in the area I tend to cut people off before incriminating themselves too much. The phone rings and I answer.)

Me: “[Store Name]. This is [Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. You guys sell hookahs? I want to know how these things work. I need to know what order to put things in. I’ve got the coal ready. I put that in the bowl on top, then the tobacco and weed right?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell hookahs for anything illegal. Just tobacco.”

Caller: “Oh right… Where do I put the tobacco then?”

Me: *sighs* “The tobacco goes in the bowl, then either a screen or tin foil with some holes on top of the bowl, and the lit coal on top.”

Caller: “Oh… I would have burned my house down again! Thanks!” *hangs up*

Me: “Again?”

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Credited Childsplay

| USA | Right | January 15, 2014

(I work for a service that answers phones for TV commercials. One commercial in particular is giving us all fits! It is for a cup that freezes sweet liquids into slush-ice. The kids have been calling in, in DROVES, trying to get one. The offer is to be paid with a credit card and you have to be 18 or over to get it. This caller sounds like a five year old.)

Me: “Thank you for calling for [Cup Product]! How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. I wanna [Cup Product] thing.”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a credit card?”

Caller: “Yeah. It’s 123456789.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that is not a card number. How old are you?”

Caller: “Uh… I’m a hundred.”

Me: “Ma’am, please get your mommy to come to the phone. If you want a [Cup Product], you have to have an adult with a credit card.”

Caller: *getting crafty* “Uh, well, I already ordered it an’ used my Mommy’s—uh, my card. So, you can send it. Okay?”

Me: “Now look, honey… You need to have an ADULT come to the phone. Go get someone older.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(There is the sound of the receiver being put down, then instantly picked up again. I hear the same voice, now pitched much lower.)

Caller: “Hello? This is my Daddy. Please send me the [Cup Product] thingy, please!”

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Store Of The D***ed, Part 2

| Right | January 15, 2014

Time To Listen

| Right | January 14, 2014

funny-image-2041

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