The Maine Difference Between The Accents

| West Gardiner, ME, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a travel plaza in a town in central Maine, fairly close to the Canada/USA border. The plaza is the only sort of gas station, restaurant, and other amenity on the highway for miles, so we get the gamut of travelers, most of whom are weary from long hours of driving. We are encouraged to be as helpful as possible, and to make conversation while ringing up customers.)

Me: “Did you find everything alright?”

Customer: “Well, I did in here, but…”

Me: “But?”

Customer: “You from around here?”

Me: “Actually, I grew up in the next town over.”

Customer: “Excellent. What is there to do in this area?”

(I offer a few suggestions of popular tourist attractions, and unique local restaurants. The customer gives me an odd look and is silent while I tell him his total. While I’m counting his change, he suddenly explodes. He knocks half his purchases off the counter to get in my face and starts shouting.)

Customer: “DON’T YOU LIE TO ME!”

Me: “I’m sorry; excuse me?!”

Customer: “You stupid b****! There’s no WAY you’re from here! How do I know everything you just told me isn’t all fake? I want to talk to someone who is actually from this area!”

Me: “With all due respect, sir, what makes you say that?”

Customer: “You don’t have the accent!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “See! I told you you were lying! If you really grew up here, you’d have that authentic Maine accent! ‘Pahk the arnge cah in the yahd’.”

Me: *drawling into a thick ‘Maine’ accent* “Ayuh well there sir what you got yourself there is a Boston accent; you ain’t soundin’ like no Mainer, deyah.”

Customer: “What the f*** did you just say?!”

Me: *in normal voice* “I said, I worked very hard growing up to learn to enunciate properly, but I can assure you I’m far more authentically Maine than these lobster souvenirs you just spent $10 on and then broke. I’m glad to know my hard work paid off. Have a safe trip now, ‘deyah.'”

Veteran Veterinarian

| OH, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(A girl of about 11 years old, who is a frequent library user, has brought a stack of books to my counter to check out. I’m in my 20s.)

Me: “Oh, lots of books about being a veterinarian!”

Girl: *nods head enthusiastically*

Me: “Well, when you become a vet I’ll bring my pets to you.”

Girl: *startled expression* “You’ll be dead by then!”

Inject Some Humor Into The Situation

| USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(I am four years old, and in need of vaccinations. The nurse is babying me about it.)

Me: “Just do it; I’m not scared.”

(I have the vaccination with no problem.)

Nurse: “Wow, you’re one of the toughest kids I’ve met.”

Me: “Really? It’s nothing.”

Nurse: “Oh, you are tough. Half of the kids your age come in crying.”

Me: “Because they’re babies! I’m not.”

Nurse: “Let me tell you something. I have a friend who is also a nurse. A 40-year-old man needed an injection and he cried for 10 minutes before he calmed down enough for her to inject him. And he cried after she stuck him too.”

Me: “Really?!”

Nurse: “Yeah. I wish he could have seen you.”