Bird Brained, Part 8

| Reading, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals

(I work in a small natural remedies shop. A customer comes in just as we are opening. We open early in the morning; birds are literally still singing outside. The customer browses around for a while, looking increasingly more irritated until stalking up to the counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me?! Aren’t you going to do anything about those d*** birds? They won’t shut up.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t really do much about the birds; they’re out there singing every morning. Maybe you could come back a little later?”

Customer: “I can’t come back later; I’ve got s*** to do today! Can’t you put on some music or something?”

Me: *bemused* “Okay, I’ll see what’s behind the counter.”

(I go to look through the store’s CDs, and try not to laugh.)

Customer: *stomps foot* “Well?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; it’s all sounds of nature type stuff.”

Customer: “So put it on!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s bird noises.”

Customer: *stares intently* “Put it on.”

(She continues her shopping in peace and condescendingly asks me ‘isn’t that much better now?’ to the twin cacophony of singing birds in the background. Since then she’s come back every week at the same time, and I make sure I have the sounds of nature on hand when she does.)

Related:
Early Bird Brained
Bird Brained
Bird Brained, Part 2
Bird Brained, Part 3
Bird Brained, Part 4
Bird Brained, Part 5
Bird Brained, Part 6
Bird Brained, Part 7

The Height Of Unreason

| AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

(I’m running a ride that has a four-foot height limit, due to the speeds at which it spins and the types of harnesses used for the seats. A guest is waiting at the front of the line with his daughter, who is clearly too small to ride. I am resetting all of the safety locks for the next ride, and I hear my coworker talking to the guest.)

Coworker: “All right, sir, I’m going to have to double-check her height. I’m pretty certain she’s too small to ride.”

Customer: “Oh, she’ll be fine. I’ll be sitting with her.”

Coworker: “No, sir, you can’t do that. I have to check her height.”

(With a bit of a cross look on his face, he tells his daughter to stand next to the measuring pole. She’s a good six inches too short.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir; I can’t let her ride. She’s simply too small.”

Customer: “Dude, seriously? I’m right here. I’ll be holding her the whole time.”

Coworker: “I can’t let her ride.”

(At this point, he’s holding up the line, and the customers behind him are getting impatient.)

Customer: “Dude, it’s her birthday and we just waited for an hour to get on this ride. Just let her go this time.”

Coworker: “My hands are tied. She can’t ride.”

Customer: “I’m not moving. She’s going to ride.”

(He pretty much has the attention of everyone in line by now. I come over.)

Me: “Listen, sir, I need to get this line moving. Just let me get this straight: you’re telling me that you’re going to willingly endanger your daughter’s life for the low, low price of a ride pass? Fine, by all means.”

(The man goes red in the face before wordlessly picking up his daughter and walking out of the line.)

The Maine Difference Between The Accents

| West Gardiner, ME, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a travel plaza in a town in central Maine, fairly close to the Canada/USA border. The plaza is the only sort of gas station, restaurant, and other amenity on the highway for miles, so we get the gamut of travelers, most of whom are weary from long hours of driving. We are encouraged to be as helpful as possible, and to make conversation while ringing up customers.)

Me: “Did you find everything alright?”

Customer: “Well, I did in here, but…”

Me: “But?”

Customer: “You from around here?”

Me: “Actually, I grew up in the next town over.”

Customer: “Excellent. What is there to do in this area?”

(I offer a few suggestions of popular tourist attractions, and unique local restaurants. The customer gives me an odd look and is silent while I tell him his total. While I’m counting his change, he suddenly explodes. He knocks half his purchases off the counter to get in my face and starts shouting.)

Customer: “DON’T YOU LIE TO ME!”

Me: “I’m sorry; excuse me?!”

Customer: “You stupid b****! There’s no WAY you’re from here! How do I know everything you just told me isn’t all fake? I want to talk to someone who is actually from this area!”

Me: “With all due respect, sir, what makes you say that?”

Customer: “You don’t have the accent!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “See! I told you you were lying! If you really grew up here, you’d have that authentic Maine accent! ‘Pahk the arnge cah in the yahd’.”

Me: *drawling into a thick ‘Maine’ accent* “Ayuh well there sir what you got yourself there is a Boston accent; you ain’t soundin’ like no Mainer, deyah.”

Customer: “What the f*** did you just say?!”

Me: *in normal voice* “I said, I worked very hard growing up to learn to enunciate properly, but I can assure you I’m far more authentically Maine than these lobster souvenirs you just spent $10 on and then broke. I’m glad to know my hard work paid off. Have a safe trip now, ‘deyah.'”