Right Place, Wrong Menu

| Galveston, TX, USA | Food & Drink

(After staring at the menu displayed above the counter, a man finally approaches me to place an order.)

Customer: “I’d like the large popcorn chicken.”

Me: *thinking I’ve misheard him* “I’m sorry, sir, what was that?”

Customer: “The large popcorn chicken.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have popcorn chicken here.”

(He steps back to examine the large menu, complete with pictures, once again. He takes a minute or two before stepping forward again.)

Customer: “Can I get a half dozen drumsticks and some mashed potatoes?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have any of those either.”

(He steps back again, and looks up at the menu again, as I wait, rather perplexed. He seems to finally realize what he’s looking at.)

Customer: “This is McDonald’s, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Oh.” *leaves looking embarrassed*

When Reality Is An Iceberg

| Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada | Tourists/Travel

(This museum has a large Titanic exhibit. Many of the rescued survivors were brought to Halifax after the ship sank. Many of the recovered bodies of the vicitms are buried here as well. A tourist approaches me.)

Tourist: “So, is Leonardo Di Caprio buried upstairs?”

Nowhere To Go But Up

| New York, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I work at the main information desk in a bookstore that has four levels. When a customer asks for a book, we are supposed to direct them to the appropriate floor.)

Me: “Okay, we should have that title. It’ll be on the fourth floor.”

Customer: *looking confused* “What?”

Me: “The fourth floor. There’s another information desk up there if you need help finding the section.”

Customer: “So, how many floors should I go up?”

Me: “Um, three.”

Customer: “Okay. So it’s the fourth floor I’m looking for?”

Me: “Yes. It’s the highest floor we have, so just take the escalator up as far as you can.”

Customer: “What’s an escalator?!”

How Dare You Care

| Carlsbad, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer is browsing around in the store.)

Me: “Hi, are you finding everything all right?”

Customer: “Am I finding everything all right?! What kind of a stupid question is that?”

Me: *speechless* “Um–”

Customer: “You know, I’ve always hated that question! I wish I could just find the son of a b**** who started that asking that question!”

Me: *mouth open, about to say something*

Customer: “What you’re supposed to ask is, ‘Hello sir, is there anything I could help you find?'”

Me: *about to do as he says*

Customer: “‘Am I finding everything all right?!’ That’s like asking me ‘How’s my life?’ How’s your life? Found everything you’re looking for? Are you happy with your life?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Of course not!”

(There’s an awkward silence as I try to figure out what to say to him.)

Customer: “Spread the word!” *exits the store*

Me: forced smile* “Thank you, enjoy the rest of your day!”

Totally Trashed

| Lansing, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(This takes place in a food court during my college’s homecoming game. While I am sweeping the floor, a drunk girl is about to put her trash in a machine I use to clean the floor.)

Me: “Woah, wait! What are you doing?”

Drunk girl: “Isn’t this a trash can?”

Me: “No, this is a floor cleaner. The trash cans are over there.” *point behind her*

Drunk girl: “It looks just like a trash can!”

Me: *stares at wide, 4-wheeled, car-shaped floor cleaner* “Uh–”

Drunk girl: “What does this thing do?”

Me: “It cleans floors.”

Drunk girl: “Well, it looks just like a trash can!”

Me: “I’m sure it does.” *start to walk away*

Drunk girl: “IT DOES!”

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