Ceiling Cat Is Watching You

| USA | Pets & Animals

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi there, my name is Charlie—”

Customer: “Charlie’s a boy’s name! You’re a girl!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Anyway, I’m calling from [company name] to talk to you about the new security system we’re offering.”

Customer: “I don’t need it.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s really nifty and it has all sorts of special features if you’d allow me to describe them.”

Customer: “Nah. I’ve got my girlfriend’s cat.”

Me: “A…cat, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah. Any time anyone comes in the house, he won’t leave them alone until they feed him. He’s really cute, but it’s the most irritating thing ever. They’d get annoyed and leave!”

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Don’t Mess With Employees, Part 2

Not Always Right | Roundups, Wild & Unruly

Don’t Mess With Employees, Part 2! This week, we return with part two of the roundup that started it all: teaching misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees!

  1. Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World (6,011 thumbs up)
    A cheap patron asks a stupid question and gets a priceless answer!
  2. Scamming In Plain Sight (4,764 thumbs up)
    The only damage this scamming customer will get is to his wallet.
  3. Coming To A Theater Near You: Gangsta Ushers (2,937 thumbs up)
    A thieving movie customer gets the show of a lifetime!
  4. Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang (1,794 thumbs up)
    What do a Fairy, Santa Clause, and a six-foot Snowman have in common?
  5. Choose Your Battles (3,653 thumbs up)
    A violent video game customer learns it’s best not to wrestle with wrestlers!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Adamant, If A Bit Addled

| Cartersville, GA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I’m a fuel clerk at a large chain grocery store’s gas station. One evening a morbidly obese redneck woman was having trouble getting her pump to work. She wanted to get a fuel injection cleaner (additech) added into her gasoline, but had no clue what she was doing. After swiping a credit card, the pump’s computer screen automatically asks the customer if they want to buy additech. The conversation went like this.)

Me: “Hey, how are you doing today?”

Customer: *mouth full of tobacco* “I wanna get some of that Additech stuff!”

Me: “Alright, after swiping your card the pump will ask if you want to purchase Additech. Press ‘Yes.’ Since you are driving a truck, you will select the $9.99 price by pressing the ‘2’ key on the screen.”

Customer: “I wanna get me some of that Additech stuff!”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. Please just swipe your card and follow the prompts.”

Customer: “I WANNA GET SOME F***ING ADDITECH STUFF!” *spits out a glob of tobacco* “Why the f*** won’t you get me some of that f***ing Additech stuff?!”

Me: “Ma’am, please calm down. Would you like me to show you how?”

(Frustrated, the customer begins yelling to the other customers in line.)

Customer: “I’m not retarded! He said I’m retarded!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me show you.”

(I walk out to the pump, swipe her card, and as predicted the Additech screen comes up. I set her pump up, and she fills her truck. Afterwards, I come back to my register. A minute later, Ms. Additech comes back.)

Customer: “What is Additech anyway? DOES IT MAKE YOUR CAR GO BETTER?!”

Zuck Makes Us All Look Like Schmucks

| Sonoma, California, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Are you the owner?”

Me: “Me?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: *laughs* “No, sir, I’m 17. I’m just a server.”

Customer: “So!? Age doesn’t matter! That one Facebook guy was like 16, and he’s a billionaire!”

In Her Own Inbred World

| Glen Rock, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

(I have a tattoo in memory of my cousin who passed away. We were really close. I always get people asking me about it, but this one is by far the worst.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: *grabs my wrist and looks at my tattoo* “Who’s Johnny?”

Me: “He’s my cousin.”

Customer: “Oh! I wanted to marry my cousin once. I was in love with him.”

Me: “Oh…well…it’s not like that.”

Customer: “It’s okay, because he’s my second cousin.”

Me: “It’s not like that. My cousin passed away. I got this tattoo to remember him. I’m not in love with him.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s nice. I should have married my cousin…” *walks away*

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