Loyalty Ist Verboten!

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”

Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be $****. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”

Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

Bad Company, Good Business

| Detroit, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a cashier, and a customer comes up to my register with a lock.)

Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Customer: “Great. I’ll take it at the [medical supply store] price.”

Me: “Alright, I’ll just need the print out.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “Well, I need proof that the other store has the same product for a lesser amount.”

Customer: “Don’t you know what they sell it at?”

Me: “Actually, I don’t believe they sell this at all.”

Customer: “Well, just find a store that sells it at a lesser price and give me that!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t do that. Unless you found the same item for a lesser price at another store, I have to charge you what our company sells it at.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because that’s business, sir.”

A Bit Grey With Anatomy, Part 2

| Concord, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(A girl begins to choke on some bread. The mother then proceeds to try and give the daughter some bizarre imitation of the Heimlich Manoeuvre.)

Me: “Ma’am, wait for her to stop coughing before you help her.”

Customer: “What? She’ll die by then!”

Me: “I’m certified in CPR, I know what I’m talking about. It’s not an emergency until she can’t cough. When she can’t cough anymore, I can help her.”

(The customer is now basically punching her daughter in the stomach, and I’m becoming increasingly worried that she is going to injure her. Suddenly, the girl stops coughing.)

Customer: “See, I didn’t need your help. And you know what? I’m certified too; I watch Grey’s Anatomy every time it’s on!”

Related:
A Bit Grey With Anatomy

Sea Lions Totally Rock

| Newport, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(I am giving a tour to a group of people about sea lions. I am pointing out the sea lions through the glass cage and introducing them to the group.)

Woman: “What’s that sea lion over there doing? He seems very still.”

Child: “Mom, that’s a rock.”

Room Service Goes Down The Toilet

| OK, USA | Uncategorized

(A guest staying in the hotel calls the Front Desk at 3:30 AM.)

Me: “Front Desk.”

Guest: *slurring* “I messed my bed!”

Me: “What do you mean by ‘mess’, sir?”

Guest: “I mean I s*** my bed. You are gonna have to come clean it up!”

Me: “You are more than welcome to come down to the–”

Guest: “You are gonna come clean this up! I need new sheets!”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry, but I am not coming to your room to clean up your feces. I can give you fresh sheets at the front desk.”

Guest: “You are going to clean my s***!”

(This goes back and forth for several minutes, when I look in the computer to see that the guest is in a room with two beds.)

Me: “Sir, are you in this room by yourself?”

Guest: “Yes!”

Me: “Is the other bed broken?”

Guest: “No!”

Me: “Could you, perhaps, sleep in the other bed until housekeeping can give you fresh sheets?”

Guest: “You won’t charge me for using the other bed?”