With You Or In The Bag?

| Right | December 19, 2013

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Her Heart Is Just Not In It

| Right | December 19, 2013

Check The Holodeck

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Right | December 19, 2013

(I work at a call center for a satellite TV company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m not getting any picture on my TV.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. I would be happy to try to help you resolve this.”

(After going through some basic troubleshooting for several minutes, I’m finally able to determine that her satellite box isn’t connected to her television.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’ll need to connect your box to your TV in order to see a picture.”

Customer: “You’re lying! I’ve had your service for years. I’ve never had to hook up my TV!”

(This customer had actually only just signed up for service a few days earlier.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid this company’s equipment has always needed to be connected to a television in order to display a picture.”

Customer: “But I thought the box could make a picture above it – like a hologram or something.”

Me: “Ma’am, if our equipment could do that, we would be charging you a lot more for your programming…”

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Not Ex-static About Donating

| Canada | Right | December 19, 2013

(The particular call centre I work at calls alumni from the university, both to give them updates and to solicit donations. The alumnus I’m speaking with is quite polite. I’m partway through the call.)

Me: “…so the date of your reunion is in two months. It sounds like you really enjoyed your time here!”

Alumnus: “I definitely did.”

Me: “Part of the reason you were able to enjoy it so much is because of the generosity of other alumni, like you, from the past—”

Alumnus: “Oh, we’re doing that part now.”

Me: “…so if you’d like, I could—”

Alumnus: “Hold on a second! Khrrrrrrrt…”

(The alum has started making not-quite-static noises with his throat.)

Me: “Uh, sir? Are you—”

Alumnus: “You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!”

(This is followed by an actual phone click.)

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Didn’t Get A Lecture

| Right | December 18, 2013

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