Totally Scentsless

, | Orlando, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a store that sells lotions, soaps, and candles with different scents. Recently, one of the companies we carry had a new line of lotion that was named after fruits: strawberry, apple, and banana scented lotion. To promote the new line, we have a few jars of each scent on a table at the front with a tongue depressor in each jar so that customers could easily scoop out a little lotion to try. I’m stocking a shelf when an angry customer walks up.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “I’m very angry with the product in this store. Are you trying to kill someone?”

Me: “I’m sorry? What’s the problem?”

Customer: “That yogurt you have up front is not even cold, and it tastes horrible.”

Me: “Yogurt? We don’t sell yogurt.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. It’s on the little table up front with a spoon to taste it. The banana tastes like garbage and the strawberry doesn’t have any taste.”

Me: “Sir, those are lotions, not yogurt.”

(The customer gets a little flustered after realizing their mistake.)

Customer: “You should really label it as lotion. It’s confusing!”

Me: “It is labeled. See?”

(I show the customer the huge sign on the table that says “lotion” as well as each individual fragrance saying “lotion” on the jar.)

Customer: *leaves, mumbling*

Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

| Dewitt, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

(I am working an average rush hour at a large grocery store when I approach the end of an elderly woman’s order.)

Me: “Okay, this will be $46.48.”

Customer: *starts hitting card reader with signature pen* “Your machine isn’t working!”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to swipe your card before you can sign.”

Customer: *continues to hit card reader with pen* “Your g**d*** machine isn’t working!”

Me: “Ma’am, please stop hitting the machine. You need to swipe you card.”

Customer: *throws pen at me* “Your machine’s broken!”

Me: “It isn’t broken. You just haven’t swiped your card yet.”

Customer: “Your machine’s broken! See?!”

(When she flips the card reader around, it is indeed broken—by her, of course.)

Related:
Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

Forever Seeing Conspiracies

| Arvada, CO, USA | Bizarre

(I work at the customer service desk of a grocery store. A small old woman approaches the desk.)

Me: “Hi, there! What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I need some stamps.”

Me: “Would you like a book of 20 or a different amount?”

Customer: “A book.”

(I pull out the book of stamps and lay them in front of her as I ring in the order.)

Customer: “Are those the forever stamps?”

Me: “All we carry are the forever stamps.”

Customer: “This design was created to support Al Qaeda!”

(I look at the stamps, and what do I see? An American flag with Lady Liberty’s face on them.)

Celebrate Good Hearing, Come On

, | Evans, GA, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m using the headset for the drive through.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for choosing [restaurant]. Would you like to have one of our celebration specials today?”

Customer: “No. So, do you all still have that celebration special?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, we do…”

It’s The Small Victories

| Montreal, Canada | Bizarre

(I’ve been working for a quite a while, so my voice is scratchy. Near the end of my shift, an old man comes to the counter.)

Customer: “Hm. You’re losing your voice there, eh?”

Me: “Haha. A little bit, I suppose.”

Customer: “Well, that’s the end of the world for a woman.”

Me: “Ha ha…” *confused as to where he’s going with this*

Customer: “HAHAHA, YOU CAN’T YELL AT ME!” *does a victory dance*

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