To Whom This May (Not) Concern

| Australia | Food & Drink

Me: “Medium size latte for Sarah!”

(A customer approaches and looks at the drink.)

Customer: “Oh, sorry, I didn’t order a latte.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that, Sarah.”

Customer: “I’m not Sarah.”

Me: “You’re not Sarah and you didn’t order a latte?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but this isn’t your coffee…”

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

| Hackney, London, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

Customer: “Where is the pasta?”

Me: “I’ll show you…it’s this way.”

(He follows me to the correct aisle. As we approach, I see another girl in the aisle.)

Customer: “S***, that’s my ex! Quick, pretend you’re my new girl!”

Me: *surprised* “Wha—”

(The customer grabs me, puts his arm round me, and practically drags me over to the girl.)

Customer: *to ex* “Yea, I got a new girl. I’m over you.”

Ex: “Um, okay? Great.” *walks away shaking her head*

Customer: *to me* “So, since you’re my girl, do I get to use your staff discount now?”

Now We Know Why She Needs Decaf

| Greensboro, NC, USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a national coffee chain, and am answering the drive through.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [café]. What would you like today?

Customer: “I want a skinny latte!”

Me: “Okay, just to clarify, skinny means nonfat and sugar-free. What sugar-free syrup would you like?”

Customer: *huffing* “No syrup! I just want a skinny latte!”

Me: “Um, okay, so just a nonfat latte, then. What else can I get for you?”

Customer: “No, no, no! I just want a skinny latte, nonfat and sugar-free!”

Me: “Okay, a skinny latte, then. What size would you like?”

Customer: “Tall! You got that? And make it decaf! A DECAF TALL SKINNY LATTE! Gaaahhh!”

Meaning What I Say

| Omaha, NE, USA | Uncategorized

(We usually ask if the customer would like a bag for a single item purchase.)

Me: “Do you need a bag for this, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t need a bag, if that’s what you’re trying to ask!”

Indecent Disbursal

, | Georgia, USA | Language & Words

(I am a supervisor for a cell phone support center. I am plugging into my representative’s desk to grade one of their calls when I hear the following exchange.)

Customer: “So, put me on that plan then.”

Rep: “All right. I just need to go over some legal info with you.”

Customer: “Are you going to procreate me?”

Rep: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, procreate me and I get some money back.”

(The rep is clearly confused, so I chime in.)

Me: “I think she means ‘prorate.'”

Rep: “Oh! Did you mean ‘prorate?'”

Customer: “Yeah! Procreate and get money back!”

Rep: “Yes. We can…prorate…your account.”

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