As Long As They’re Not Foaming At The Mouth

| Iowa, USA | Uncategorized

(As a habit, I always ask customers to make sure they like the weight of their cappuccino, since that is as much about personal preference as drink standards. This particular customer orders an extra dry cappuccino.)

Me: “Does that feel alright for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “This is way too heavy. Just so you know, a cappuccino is a drink made with half steamed milk and half foam. This is just much too heavy.”

(Note: I put just enough milk in her drink to save her shots and no more. It’s 98% foam at this point.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I am aware. That is what I made you.”

Customer: “Well, this is too heavy.”

Me: “Would you like me to remake it for you?”

Customer: “No, this will be fine this time. Just remember that for the next time you make a cappuccino.”

Me: “I’ll do that.”

(The following week, she returns and orders the same drink. I make it all foam, no milk at all.)

Me: “How’s that feel for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Much better! You’re learning! Tell your manager they are doing a very good job of training you!” *drives away*

Nature’s Calling, Please Don’t Answer

| Langley, BC, Canada | Health & Body

(I work on a berry farm and we have U-pick on the farm. While working in U-pick, I come across a woman and her son walking in the small wooded area beside one of the strawberry fields.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice you walking through the trees here. Are you looking for someone?”

Customer: “Oh, hi. Um, no…we aren’t looking for anyone.”

(She continues to walk away from me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come back to the strawberry field now. This wooded area is actually not on farm property.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. We’ll be quick. My son just needs to poop.”

Me: “Oh! Actually, we ask that you don’t do that here. We have restrooms back at the main building.”

(I point to the building, which is about 20 yards away.)

Customer: *sighs* “Well, alright, but that’s a pretty long way to walk…”

Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, School

(I work in the testing center for a community college. We administer placement exams and make-up exams, among other things. This particular student is taking his placement exam.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I have you set up on that computer over there.” *points to computer* “Just finish filling in your personal information and the test will begin.”

Student: “Okay, thanks.”

(About forty-five minutes go by as the student goes through the exam. I then see him raise his hand, so I stand up and walk over to his computer.)

Me: “Is there something wrong?”

Student: “Yeah, it’s telling me that I’m about to start the arithmetic test.”

Me: “Yes, that is part of the placement exam.”

Student: “But I’m supposed to be taking a math test, not an arithmetic test!”

All Or Nothing Or Nothing At All

| United Kingdom | Money

(I work in a pound shop, which is the UK equivalent of a 99 cent store in the US. Everything in the store costs one pound.)

Customer: “How much it this?”

Me: “It’s a pound. Everything costs one pound.”

(The customer walks away and returns two minutes later with a different item.)

Customer: “How much is this?”

Me: “That’s a pound, too.”

Customer: “Sorry to keep asking, but you don’t seem to have any prices on anything.”

Me: “Everything in this store costs one pound.”

(The customer walks away and returns a few minutes later with yet another different item.)

Customer: “What about this?”

Me: “That’s a pound. They’re all a pound.”

Customer: “Why isn’t anything labeled in this store? You’re all so lazy!”

The One That Has Wheels And Moves

, | Missouri, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a tire center. More often than we’d like, we get completely clueless customers coming in for tire replacements.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to get my tires changed.”

Me: “Sure, what’s the year, make, and model of your vehicle?”

Customer: “I’m really not sure of any of that. Do you need it?”

Me: “Yeah, we need to know so we can get the right size of tires. Do you know if your car is a Chevy? A Ford? Dodge?”

Customer: “I don’t know, but I think the name starts with an E?”

Me: “Okay, is it a car, truck, or SUV?”

Customer: “I’m really not sure.”

Me: “Okay, let’s just step outside on the parking lot. You can point your car out for me and I can get the information there.” (The customer stands at the door and points out to the lot, which is filled with cars.)

Customer: “It’s the white one.”

(I go outside and begin to walk to the first white car I see.)

Customer: “What are you doing?! I said the white one! The white one!” *points to another white car in a different direction* “You don’t know what you’re doing! Who hired you?”

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