Fairly Foolish Fares

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s 4 AM and I’m driving a college-aged girl home.)

Passenger: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Passenger: “You know the ducks in Central Park?”

Me: “Yes?”

Passenger: “Where do they go for the winter? When the lake freezes.”

Me: “I think they fly south.”

Passenger: “Really?”

Me: “To Florida, I think.”

Passenger: “That’s so weird. Are you Jewish?”

Me: “I’m Italian, actually.”

Passenger: “You sound really Jewish.”

Me: “Well, I’m from Long Island. Maybe it’s my accent.”

Passenger: “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Me: “Okay.”

Passenger: “Are people born in 1987 the lost generation?”

Me: “Um…”

(The entire cab ride was like this.)

Nobody Nose

| Columbia City, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(Our shop offers free wireless internet with any purchase. We keep it password-protected ever since we discovered the neighbors were stealing it. I give the password out at the register; changing it once a week and keeping it as random as possible.)

Customer: “What’s the password today?”

Me: “Nostrils.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of password is that? I never would have guessed that!”

Gotta Try It Sooner Or Latte

| Tukwila, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(We serve a limited number of coffee drinks made automatically by machine.)

Customer: “I’d like a hazelnut latte, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have other flavors. I can give you a regular latte.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Just a regular latte.”

Customer: “What does it taste like?”

Me: “It’s just coffee and milk.”

Customer: “Oh. I’ve never tried that! Maybe I should.”

Crashed Diet

| New York, NY, USA | Top

(A well-dressed woman and her teenage daughter are out to lunch at one of my tables. I have already brought them their drinks.)

Customer: *waving me over* “Miss! I asked for a diet soda.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have picked up another server’s order by mistake. Let me get you a new one.”

(I fill a diet soda myself and deliver it. Before even tasting it, she speaks up.)

Customer: “No! This isn’t diet soda! I’m on a very strict diet and I can’t have carbs!”

Me: “I filled it myself. I assure you that it is diet.”

Customer: *poking the drink with a straw* “Then what are these? I can see the carbs everywhere!”

Me: “You can see the carbs, Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! Are you blind? Can’t you see the bubbles?”

Customer’s teenage daughter: “Oh my God, mom! ‘Carbs’ mean carbohydrates, not carbonation!”

See this story as a comic!

A Touching Gift

| Maryland, USA | Top

Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I touch my granddaughter.”

*awkward silence*

Customer: *turning bright red* “I mean, I want an iTouch for my granddaughter!”