My Head Megahertz

, | Henderson, NV, USA | Technology, Top

Customer: “I need a new laptop. I want one better than the one I have. I want to spend no more than 600 dollars.”

(After finding out that he has a machine running Windows 98 with 512 MB of RAM and 60 GB of hard drive space, I provide him several different laptop choices within his price range. They have either 3 GB or 4 GB of RAM, running Windows 7.)

Customer: “No, no, no! I said better! I have 512 memory, but you keep recommending only 3 and 4! Also, 7 is way lower than 98! Get me someone who knows what I mean by better!”

Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

| California, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have any gurtz-demeanor?”

Me: “Do you mean Gewürztraminer?”

Customer: “Yeah, gurtz-demeanor!”

Time To Sing Jailhouse Rock

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

(My primary job is delivering pizzas, but I’m also the lead vocalist in a metal band that’s popular in the local area. We’re not well known much further than that. We recently played a show where we also sold a small amount of merchandise.)

Me: *handing pizzas to customer* “That’ll be $35.”

(The customer hands me the money. I notice that he’s wearing a hoodie with our band’s name and logo on it.)

Me: “Nice hoodie!”

Customer: “Yeah, man! I was at the show last weekend.”

Me: “Awesome, how’d you like it?”

Customer: “They’re wicked, man! I feel kinda bad for taking this hoodie right of off the wall.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Were you there, too?”

Me: “Yes, I was the one holding the microphone.”

We Like Our Innuendos Freshly Baked

| Hagerstown, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m working check out as a gay couple comes up to my line with a dozen or so bananas.)

Customer: “So, what do you think two gay men are going to do with this many bananas?”

Me: *playing along* “Uh, make phallic jokes, then eat them?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but we’re making banana bread!”

Please Placebo Me

| Ocala, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need some help over here!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “This salt is too salty!”

Me: “But it’s salt, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t care! It’s too salty! You need to bring me a different shaker!”

(I proceed to bring her another shaker, which is no different than the first.)

Customer: “That’s better! Thank you!”

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