Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

| California, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have any gurtz-demeanor?”

Me: “Do you mean Gewürztraminer?”

Customer: “Yeah, gurtz-demeanor!”

Time To Sing Jailhouse Rock

| Saskatchewan, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

(My primary job is delivering pizzas, but I’m also the lead vocalist in a metal band that’s popular in the local area. We’re not well known much further than that. We recently played a show where we also sold a small amount of merchandise.)

Me: *handing pizzas to customer* “That’ll be $35.”

(The customer hands me the money. I notice that he’s wearing a hoodie with our band’s name and logo on it.)

Me: “Nice hoodie!”

Customer: “Yeah, man! I was at the show last weekend.”

Me: “Awesome, how’d you like it?”

Customer: “They’re wicked, man! I feel kinda bad for taking this hoodie right of off the wall.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Were you there, too?”

Me: “Yes, I was the one holding the microphone.”

We Like Our Innuendos Freshly Baked

| Hagerstown, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I’m working check out as a gay couple comes up to my line with a dozen or so bananas.)

Customer: “So, what do you think two gay men are going to do with this many bananas?”

Me: *playing along* “Uh, make phallic jokes, then eat them?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but we’re making banana bread!”

Please Placebo Me

| Ocala, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need some help over here!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “This salt is too salty!”

Me: “But it’s salt, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t care! It’s too salty! You need to bring me a different shaker!”

(I proceed to bring her another shaker, which is no different than the first.)

Customer: “That’s better! Thank you!”

Bow-Wow Bigotry

| Kentucky, USA | Bigotry, Pets & Animals

(At the doggie daycare, one of the play rooms has a glass window where customers can watch the dogs playing. We have a three-legged dog that is a daily regular in this playroom. I am working at the front desk. A customer, looking somewhat distressed, approaches the desk with a small child, who looks very distressed.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you could remove that three-legged dog from the playroom for just a few minutes. My daughter wants to watch the dogs, but the three-legged one is freaking her out.”

Me: “I…I’m sorry ma’am, but we cannot remove her. She is a regular here and she is getting along well with the other dogs. Her owner has paid us to let her play in there. We will not remove her because someone feels uncomfortable with her appearance.”

Customer: “Fine. I guess you all don’t care about your customers after all!” *huffs off*

Me: *speechless*

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