The Beginning Of The End

| Illinois, USA | Technology

(I’ve been helping a caller with programming their phone. We are nearing the end of this lengthy, multi-step process.)

Me: “Now, you’re going to enter your number with the area code.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me:“After you enter your number, select OK.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “At this point, you can keep selecting OK until you see EXIT.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “After you press EXIT, the phone is going to power off by itself.”

Customer: “But it’s been off the whole time.”

Me: *speechless*

Piece Of Cake

| Hillsboro, OR, USA | Food & Drink

(Note that I am not the cake decorator at my store. I have no clue how to build or frost cakes. On this particular day, I am working alone.)

Customer: “Is this ice cream cake vanilla flavored?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s vanilla ice cream on white cake.”

Customer: “What do you mean, white cake?”

Me: “I mean, there’s white cake inside.”

Customer: “There’s cake in there?”

Me: “Um, well, yes. It is an ice cream cake. It’s made with ice cream and cake.”

Customer: *looking distressed* “Oh…but, I don’t want cake! I want all ice cream! Can you take the cake part out for me?”

Me: “Um, well, I’m not the decorator, so I don’t think–”

Customer: “Just take out the cake part, frost it really quick, and I’ll buy it like that. It can’t be that hard.”

Me: “So…you want me to scrape all the frosting off, take out the cake and throw it out, and then re-frost it for you real quick?”

Customer: “Is that not possible?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but no.”

(She ends up buying the cake anyway, but complains under her breath the entire process.)

Non Sequitur, Part 2

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

(A customer sits down at my poker table. He is clearly high out of his mind.)

Customer: “Hey, man, what’s your sign?”

Me: “Uh…I’m a Leo. What’s yours?”

(The customer thinks about this for a full minute.)

Customer: “I’m a marshmallow.”

Locally Grown, Organic, Pesticide-Free Love

| Grocery Store | McBride, BC, Canada | Food & Drink

(I’m working in the deli department of the supermarket. A customer approaches me with a container of our fruit salad.)

Customer: “Hi, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Did you make the fruit salad?”

Me: “Yes, I did. We make our fruit salads fresh every morning.”

Customer: “Did you make it with plenty of love?”

Me: *laughs*

Customer: “Is that a yes?”

Color Me Stupid, Part 2

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a place that sells ice cream and Italian ice.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream parlor]. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I want something blue!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anything blue today. Our flavors are listed on the board to your right.”

Customer: *ignoring the flavor list* “Well, then, I want green!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we also don’t have anything green today. We only have the flavors on the board.”

Customer: “You don’t have lemon!?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said you wanted green. But yes, we do have lemon.”

Customer: “Wait! Lemons aren’t green?”

Related:
Color Me Stupid

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