Books Are Going The Way Of The Dinosaur

| AK, USA | Right | January 28, 2014

Me: “Hi. What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I want to find a book.”

Me: “What book are you looking for?”

Customer: “I’m looking for that book with a bunch of words in it that sounds like a dinosaur?”

Me: *stares for a moment* “…a thesaurus?”

Customer: “Yes!”

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The Most Confusing Meal Of The Day

| Ireland | Right | January 28, 2014

(I work in a call centre making reservations for a large hotel chain. A customer has just asked for a particular date in a particular hotel.)

Me: “I have the standard room for $99, or bed and breakfast for $109. The superior room for $129—”

Customer: “Wait! So the first two rooms are standard rooms?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So why is the one more expensive?”

Me: “Well, room only is $99 and if you want breakfast included it is $109.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “If you want to eat breakfast in the morning it’s $10 more.”

Customer: “I still don’t see why I would pay more for the same room!”

Me: “You don’t pay more for the room, you pay the extra for the food. You can have just the room for $99 or the room and breakfast at the restaurant for $109.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand why I should pay more.”

Me: “I have no idea how else to explain this.”

(She never made a booking. We were ‘too confusing.’)

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Trying To Remember Without A Dismember

| BC, Canada | Right | January 28, 2014

(I work at the customer service desk of a member-owned co-op store.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Member: “This is [Name]. I need to phone [Local Celebrity] but I don’t have his phone number and he’s not on the phone book.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We can’t give out the phone numbers of our members.”

Member: “But you don’t understand! This is very important! He is coming over for dinner, and I was planning to serve chicken, but now I’m thinking he may be a vegetarian! I have to ask him!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I still can’t give you his phone number.”

Member: “But I’m a member! I own the store! You have to do what I say!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t just give other member’s information from their file.”

Member: “Fine! Can you call him instead, ask him if he eats chicken, and then call me back?”

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Driving Down Route 66(6)

| VA, USA | Right | January 28, 2014

(It is late evening, a few days before Halloween. My coworker at the register has been dealing with an irate woman for several minutes. She is ranting about the cheap decorations hanging on our door. As a result a line is forming behind her.)

Customer: “I’ll never shop here again! Everything in here is cursed! You’ll be attracting the demon spawns of the devil!”

(I come up to the second register to deal with the line forming behind the customer. Most of the other customers shift over to me, but one younger woman is watching the first customer rant. Suddenly, the younger woman turns and runs out of the store. And a second later, she comes back in wearing the most amazing, and yet disgusting, full-head mask I’ve ever seen. It looks like a rotting deer, complete with antlers, shaggy fur, and wide dead white eyes. The younger woman walks up to the ranting customer and clears her throat loudly.)

Younger Woman: *to my coworker* “Dude, I need $20 on pump four for my ‘Hell-mobile.'” *turns to the first customer* “And what’s your problem with us demons, anyway? Even the devil needs a place to buy gas and beer.”

(The first customer turns and stares at the younger woman for a long moment. Then the first customer actually screams and runs out of the store, leaving all of her items behind.)

Younger Woman: “I hope that lady wasn’t buying gas. I don’t think she’s coming back.”

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Common Knowledge Has Deserted You

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Right | January 28, 2014

(We get a lot of people from different countries or other states who know nothing about Texas.)

Tourist: “So is the Alamo like out in the desert or something?”

Me: “Oh, have ya’ll not been downtown yet? It’s pretty much smack dab in the middle of the city.”

Tourist: “What do you mean?”

Me: “It’s not like in the movie. The city has grown around it,. It’s actually one of the more boring missions that’s pretty much completely covered by urban sprawl. I you want to see more traditional missions you should try San Jose or the other ones in the National Park areas.”

(They’re silent for awhile while I guess they’re having trouble with the term ‘missions.’)

Tourist: “Where’s your desert, anyway?”

Me: “Um… Like, 400 miles west of here?”

Tourist: “So, we’re not in Texas yet?”

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