Cut This One Down To Size

| Auckland, New Zealand | Right | January 30, 2014

(I work in a clothing store with the basic sizes, S, M, and L.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m wanting a plain top for my dad in ‘men’s.'”

Me: “Certainly. What size were you looking for?”

Customer: “Men’s.”

Me: “Um, what size?”

Customer: “Men’s!”

Me: “Were you looking for a medium, by any chance?”

Customer: “MEN’S! MEN’S! WHY DO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF!?”

(I head out the back and grab a medium anyway.)

Me: “We have a ‘M’ here for you.”

Customer: “SEE! That wasn’t so hard was it!?”

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Funny Money

, | LA, USA | Right | January 30, 2014

(I am working in the drive thru lane. A car with two women in it pulls up. Both look strung out, like they are on drugs.)

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

(The driver doesn’t say anything to me but pulls a bill out of her wallet, smells it carefully, then nods to herself.)

Customer: “Okay. This one’s good.”

(She hands me the money and I try not to be too obvious that I’m very gingerly handling it. I washed my hands after they left, just in case!)

Some People Drive You To Drink

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Right | January 30, 2014

(I am at a local grocery store looking for a specific brand of cat food. I have a few items in my cart, including a bottle of cooking wine. Suddenly, a customer comes from the back and SLAMS her cart pretty hard into mine.)

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: *unintelligible mumbling* “…serves you right!”

(The customer quickly makes her way to the end of the aisle. I brush it off and keep looking for the cat food. A few seconds later the customer turns around and, this time, slams her cart pretty hard right into my thigh.)

Me: “Ow! Lady, please. Slow down!”

Customer: “Humph!”

(The customer speeds around the corner. I am appalled that she didn’t even apologize but I brush it off again, thinking that this will be the end of it. However, not even a minute later, the lady comes back and slams her cart into me again, pushing me towards the shelves.)

Me: “Really? Lady, this is the third time you crashed into me in less than five minutes! Is there anything wrong?”

Customer: “Yeah! That serves you right for being an alcoholic!”

Me: “Excuse me? I don’t even drink, not that it is any of your business!”

Customer: “Liar! I see the wine bottle and all the beer, plus your face is all red. Alcoholic! Women like you should be ashamed!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s one bottle of cooking wine. This is not beer. It’s soda. My face is red because I had to spend a lot of time shoveling my car out in very cold weather. Once again, this is none of your business!”

Customer: “And you admit to using a car! Drunks should not drive! Hhmph! Drunk harlot!”

(She quickly takes off with her cart only to smash it into the opposite shelf, causing a lot of merchandise to drop on the floor.)

Me: “Apparently, you shouldn’t drive either!”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | January 29, 2014

(An American guest approaches me at my desk.)

Me: “Morning, sir! What can I do for you?”

Guest: “Hi there! I’m going to rent a car today to drive around the highlands. Could you just tell me how much gas costs here?”

Me: “Gas? As in petroleum? Sure. Petrol here is about £1 a litre.”

Guest: “How much is that in gallons though?”

Me: “Well, as far as I know, there is slightly less than four litres in a gallon. So about £4 a gallon I suppose.”

Guest: “Awesome, that’s $2 a gallon! That’s cheap!”

Me: “Sir, the exchange rate is currently $2 to £1, so it is in fact equal to $8 a gallon.”

Guest: “Pfft! I doubt that. The dollar is the strongest currency in the world!”

Me: “Well, it’s the largest reserve currency, but I assure you the rates are as I described.”

Guest: “You know, considering you work with tourists, you should probably know the exchange rate a little better, son! Don’t they teach you math in high school?!”

Me: “They do, sir.”

Guest: “Not well enough!”

 

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Underpinning Their Own Stupidity

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | January 29, 2014

(We aren’t allowed to know customer’s personal identification numbers (PIN). If they disclose it, we have to reissue a new one, blocking their current one and starting a seven day wait for a new one to be sent.)

Me: “Okay, you’ll need your PIN to set up online banking. Without telling me what it is, can you tell me if you know your PIN?”

Caller: “Why can’t I say my PIN?”

Me: “It’s your secure PIN. You shouldn’t disclose it to anyone, not even me. If you do, I’m required to replace it. That will delay what you want to do today. So, please don’t tell me what it is. Do you know your PIN? Just yes or no will be fine.”

Caller: “My PIN is 1234. I forbid you to replace it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I asked you not to tell me, and I explained why. I have to replace it now. I am truly sorry. It will take up to seven business days for you to receive it by mail.”

Caller: “DON’T YOU DARE! I NEED ONLINE BANKING TO WORK TODAY!”

Me: “Ma’am, I did explain this. I also have no option. I’m now required to replace your PIN for security.”

Caller: “But I need this set up today! It’s urgent!”

Me: “Ma’am, you clearly understood me. Can I ask, why did you tell me your PIN after I asked you not to?”

Caller: “I DON’T LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO!”

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