It Doesn’t Go Up The Way You Think It Does

| California, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at an amusement park in Southern California. A customer comes up to me while I am cleaning a shop.)

Customer: “Where can I find a [cartoon character] blow-up doll?”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “Blow-up doll. I need a [cartoon character] blow-up doll!”

Me: “I um, we don’t sell those kinds of items–”

Customer: “You know, you put air in and it goes up!”

Me: “A balloon?”

Customer: “A blow-up doll, yes! Where?!”

Water You, Stupid, Part 4

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “What’s in your liquid drinks?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, all of our drinks are made of liquid. That’s what makes them drinkable.”

Customer: “Oh, you know what I mean!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I do not.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll find someone that does!” *leaves*

Related:
Water You, Stupid, Part 3
Water You, Stupid, Part 2
Water You, Stupid

An Immoral Pleasure Seeker

| UK | Family & Kids

(I work in a toy shop where we sell giant Bratz dolls. A customer comes over with one and asked whether or not it would be suitable for her two year old daughter.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I wouldn’t recommend this doll for any child under the age of 6.”

Customer: “Why is this doll recommended for 6 years and over? My daughter’s two but she really wants one.”

Me: “Well, I can’t really recommend that you buy the doll for a younger child, but I suppose if you remove the earrings then there wouldn’t be any small parts.”

Customer: *looks the doll over* “Is it just because she’s dressed like a hooker?”

Wait ‘Til You Hear ‘Bout Our Latest Pro-mo

| Orange County, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(Two obviously gay men are ordering concessions. I successfully upsell their purchase to a large popcorn.)

Customer: *jokingly* “Wow you’re quite a salesman!”

Coworker: “Yeah, he can sell stink to a hobo!”

Customer: *laughs*

Customer’s partner: *completely mortified*

Customer, to his partner: “No, no, he said HOBO!”

(Not The) Scent Of A Woman

| Newton, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A female customer is looking at the perfume display.)

Customer: “Excuse me, it says that this smaller bottle of [brand] perfume is the same price as this larger bottle of [brand] perfume. But they are the same product.”

Me: “Actually, this larger one is men’s cologne and this smaller one is women’s perfume.”

Customer: “No, no, they’re both for women. You’re looking at the wrong one.”

Me: “No, ma’am, if you look right here, this larger one says ‘por homme’ on it. That means ‘for men’.”

Customer: “No, they’re both for women. See how this one is light blue? That means for girls.”

Me: *giving up* “My mistake, ma’am.”

(On the bright side, the next time she came in, she smelled like a man.)

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