Mocha Chocolata Nah Nah

| California, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have a hot chocolate but with coffee in it?”

Me: “So, would you like a mocha?”

Customer: “No, no, no! I said I wanted a hot chocolate with coffee!”

Me: “Okay.” *makes a mocha, and all is well*

Just Turn Left At The Series Of Tubes

, | Hilo, HI, USA | Technology

(I am sweeping the dining room floor when I am waved over by an elderly couple.)

Me: “Hi, anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes, we are heading around the island tomorrow and want to know if this rain will have stopped by then.”

Me: “It will probably still be raining here. However, they only get about 8 inches of rain a year on the other side of the island, so chances are it’ll be sunny.”

Customer: “Can you check the weather tomorrow for me?”

Me: “Um, I don’t have a newspaper or anything, but I could ask the manager to turn the radio on. They give the weather at the top of every hour.”

(Note that it is 9:57 PM.)

Customer: “That will take too long. How about internets?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t have Wi-Fi here, but [coffee shop] does.”

Customer: *irate* “No! Where are the Internets!?”

Me: “Like an internet cafe? The only here is downtown, but it’s already closed.”

Customer: “No! The INTERNETS!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “Fine!” *storms off with his wife in tow*

SASS: Subtle Artificial Sassy Server

| Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid

(I’m working the cash register at an arcade. This arcade is known for having an animatronic band that performs.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium pizza, pepperoni on half…” *mumbles and trails off*

Me: “Can you please repeat that last part?”

Customer: *mumbles*

Me: “I’m sorry, a medium pizza with pepperoni on half and what else?”

Customer, to his son: “Now look at how cheap this technology is. It can’t even tell what I’m saying! D*** robots.”

Me: “Um…sir? Is there a problem?”

Guest, to his son: “Look! It can tell I’m a man. Maybe this hunk of metal isn’t that bad. It does look pretty real. I just wonder why they didn’t make it thinner and cuter.”

Me: “Oh, thanks. Maybe it’s ’cause I’m not a robot?”

Customer: “Sure you’re not.”

(He later gets into an argument with a manager and accuses him of being a robot. He then tries to “ruin the scrap metal” by throwing a glass of water at him.)

Now I Help You, Now I Don’t

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

(The customer service desk at the small store I work at is not manned at all times. It’s pretty much just where we store lotto and cigarettes. Most customers realize pretty quickly that they can go to any till to get service. This time I have seen a lady standing there, saying nothing for ten minutes.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything, ma’am?”

Customer: “I need to talk to someone in customer service.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anyone just in customer service, but I can help you with anything you need.”

Customer: “No! I must speak to someone in customer service.”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not possible. This is a small store, so we all work at the customer service desk.”

Customer: “I’m not leaving until I speak to someone from customer service.”

(I go to the back, take my glasses off, put on a hat, and go back, this time behind the desk.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, finally! One of your stupid supervisors was saying that–”

(She sees my nametag, stops, turns red, and leaves.)

Let’s Hope This Apple Fell Far From The Tree

| Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a secretary at a local academy.)

Me: “[School name], how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m interested in signing my kid up for classes. He’s 16. So, when are they held?”

Me: “We have classes everyday, except for Tuesdays at 6:30 pm.”

Customer: “No, that’s too much information for me to process. Is there someone else I can talk to?”

Me: “Um, well, you could call another secretary.”

Customer: “I don’t think I want to bring my child to a class that starts in the dark. That’s just too much information!”

Me: “Well, we have a website, but it will say the same thing–”

Customer: “Can I call someone else? You gave me too much complicated information and I can’t absorb it all!”

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