My Day’s About To Get Hairy

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

(I’m working the box office on a particularly slow night. Part of my duty is to answer the phone and deal with customer inquiries. We are a theater that shows rather alternative movies.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [theater].”

Customer: “Oh, what a lovely young voice. Tell me, what is [movie] about?”

Me: “It’s about a victim of pedophilia and how she exacts revenge on her abuser. The next showing is at–”

Customer: “That’s nice. You have such a beautiful voice.”

Me: “Um, thanks.”

Customer: “Tell me. Do you like cats? I love cats. I have several. I just moved here and I can’t find any good vets.”

Me: “Yes. I like them.”

Customer: “We sound perfect for each other. I’ll see you tonight when I buy tickets from you…in person. You’ll recognize my voice. I’ll also be covered in cat fur. Good night!” *hangs up*

America: Land Of The Delusional

| Boston, MA, USA | Bigotry

(I am an Asian American girl without any accent. I’m working the information desk in a busy, urban hospital setting. An older, kindly woman approaches my desk.)

Woman: *in a perfect Irish brogue* “I just wanted to ask you a question.”

Me: “Sure. What can I help you with?”

Woman: “Are you American?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Woman: *smiles kindly* “No, you’re not.” *walks away*

An Empty Compliment Deserves An Empty Stomach

| Brisbane, Australia | Food & Drink

(I am working one day I am serving a man in his late 60’s.)

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Oh, hello! I like your hair!”

Me: *taken aback* “Oh, thank you!”

Customer: *beaming* “Just kidding!”

Of Objects And Objectivity

, | London, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you sell MP3s?”

Me: “MP3 players, sir?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I want to buy MP3s.”

Me: “You can buy MP3s from our website’s digital store. It’s really easy. However, we don’t sell MP3s in store, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “So, you don’t sell MP3s in store? Why?”

Me: “You can’t hold an MP3, sir.”

The Lights Are Out But Somebody’s Home

| Hartford, Connecticut, USA | Extra Stupid

(This is in the middle of a storm that knocked out the power of over a million people.)

Me: “[Company] plumbing and heating. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my hot water heater is broken.”

Me: “Okay, is it gas, oil, or electric?”

Customer: “Electric.”

Me: “All right. Because of the storm, I won’t be able to get there until tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? I don’t have any lights and now I won’t get any hot water, either?”

Me:“I’m sorry. What do you mean you don’t have any lights?”

Customer: “My power’s out. Now you expect me to go without hot water too?”

Me: “If your water heater is electric, it isn’t broken. It won’t work if your power’s out.”

Customer: “So, fix it!”

Me: “I’m a plumber, not electrician.”

Customer: “So, give me another type of heater!”

Me: “Do you have a natural gas line or oil tank I could connect it to?”

Customer: “No, I have electric.”

Me: “If you don’t have oil or gas, what am I supposed to hook the new heater up to?”

Customer: “I don’t know! You’re the plumber. You figure it out!”

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